From an Actual Exchange on a Dating Site

Her: Your profile is terrific. Your passion for your work (in specific) and life generally really comes through and that is very charming. I leave for grad school in late July. If dating a short timer isn’t a problem for you, I’d love to have a drink sometime. If that’s not what you’re looking for, I will totally understand.

RR: You’re leaving in 6-8 weeks, and I think that’s fanfuckingtastic. As it happens, that is just about the amount of time it usually takes for the mutual falling, lots of great dates, and then my seemingly inevitable but subconscious desire to fade away / screw things up because a woman has gotten too close to me. Another thing that typically occurs round that mark: the charms of dating a chef (the exquisite food, the random left-over sweets brought to her office, etc.) begin to fade in the face of late night hours, lack of weekend availability, and the like.

I think our caveats are different in nature but equal in measure. Now that you know mine, still wanna grab that drink?

Her: are you always so candid about your failings, or is this the dating equivalent of it being easier to tell strangers your deepest & darkest?

RR: I would like to think that it’s equal parts from each column, but the truth is more the later than the former… though I generally have no problems talking about my short-comings. That admission about the 6-8 week thing is a new one though.

What about you? Are you always so cynically realistic as your profile seems to suggest?

Her: I’ve already gave you one for free, you gotta buy me whiskey to hear more… but I swear if you even mention frequent-flyer miles, I’m out the door.


5 Responses to From an Actual Exchange on a Dating Site

  1. from a former 6-8 weeker says:

    sounds like your dream girl. 😉

    here’s some advice for the girl from the RR’s hall of krazy fame
    1. play it cool. nonchalance mixed with smirky good looks are favorite hooks
    2. stay positive but don’t fawn. boy loves flattery but hates suckups.
    3. don’t put out too soon. boy likes to chase despite his progressive male feminist proclivities
    4. say no for every time you’re an easy happy yes just to keep things interesting
    5. read up on your national papers. sassy sports knowledge not necessary but a nice bonus
    6. words are this man’s kryptonite. choose yours carefully. all will be grokked quicker than you can say lightning at a bottle
    7. it’s not your fault
    8. boy likes to get laid. consider all concessions and confessions thirty minutes prior to coitus as necessary preludes to bliss, nothing more, nothing less.

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