Mother’s Day Loaner

My mother loaned me out on Sunday.

That opening sentence doesn’t seem to effectively make the case as loaned seems a rather benign word.  Pimped would be an appropriate term except that in that circumstance I would have at least received some compensation even if a small percentage of the total paid.  No, my mother loaned my Personal Chef  service to a couple of her friends for a Mother’s Day dinner.  It was another example of “no good deed going unpunished.”

I sent my mom to Europe as a Mother’s Day present (calm down, I’m not really that generous; she had a friend from church who was going for business, so the only real expense was the flight and walking-around cash.)  As soon as I booked her trip, my mom declared “since you’re not cooking for me, I told your Aunt Sandy that you would make Mother’s Day dinner for her and a few of her friends.”

Sandy is not my aunt.

Sandy is one of my mother’s friends with whom I’ve never had a particularly special relationship.  Sandy is, like my mother, a slightly cantankerous 70something black woman who doesn’t understand:

  • why I am not married
  • what I do for a living
  • why I am “wasting” my degrees
  • why she doesn’t have more grandkids
  • And did I mention why I’m not married? Yeah, she definitely doesn’t understand that.

I was loaned-out.

We made our way through seven courses, meaningless chatter about the aforementioned things that my mother nor Sandy understand, and a couple of attempts to set me up with a daughter at this Mother’s Day dinner.  At some point between the last savory course and the cheese board, Sandy came into the kitchen and said “Refugee, everything has been so amazing.  I know that your mother is so proud of you, and that she’s really happy you’re here”.

Two of her three declarations were true.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you (everyone has a mother) even to moms and offspring who have complicated relationships.

…and yes, I know that this post is coming in just under the wire before declaring belated wishes to moms.


6 Responses to Mother’s Day Loaner

  1. k8 says:

    I’ve solved the “Why aren’t you married?” question. My comeback is “I killed the last one.” I’ve been practicing since we have a family reunion coming up in June. You’ll find your answer. Mine’s mean. I sense that you’re not that crass.

    That’s a great way to ensure that the question won’t be asked again. It reminds me of the advice that legendary Boston Celtics coach Red Auerbach gave to a young Bill Russell. Russell was bigger than everyone else but was getting eaten alive in the paint with other players taking dirty shots at him. Auerbach advised his young all-world center to throw a really hard elbow. Russell didn’t want to play that way, but his coach explained “the game is on national TV; if you throw one good one, you’ll never have to throw another.” Your reply is the conversational equivalent of the hard elbow.

  2. You are a good man, Refugee! A very good man. I think I would have told my Mom, “Bon Voyage.” I would have also told both women that I had a prior engagement, but would happily drop off a [fill-in-the-blank generic dish]. Sure she savored each meticulously-prepared course, though!

    Thank you, and I wish I had developed the guilt resistant gene, but alas, it didn’t happen.

  3. Christina says:

    What a noble duty. I am sure it was more than appreciated despite the questions.

    Eh, I am not so sure it was noble unless we expand the definition to acquiescing to naked guilt.

  4. LiLu says:

    I think k8’s got us all beat with that one. Well played… I think?

    Yeah, I would love to be able to have that dark sense of humor, but I suspect that I could never pull it off.

  5. magnolia2010 says:

    you are so much better of a person than i am for going along with that.

    Moms and Catholic guilt – need I say more?

  6. paigelgoit says:

    I spent twenty minutes finding a Mother’s Day card that expressed the proper sentiment: Happy Mother’s Day.

    Searching for the right card has led me to conclude that blank cards are my best option.

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