Me: While not above the random appreciation of a woman’s ass, I was looking at her shoes.
OFCF: Uhhhhh, I’m calling bullshit on that one.
Me: Seriously I was looking at her boots.
OFCF: I mean, it’s OK if you were checking out her ass; you know I’m just busting your chops.
Me: Actually, I would think that a bit rude… the whole ogling versus appreciating thing and I try to avoid doing one either when out with a lady, date or no.
OFCF: You are so full of shit.
Me: Me being full of shit and having checked out her boots versus her ass are not mutually exclusive positions.
OFCF: Fine, then describe her shoes to me.
Me: Really? You have so little faith in me?
OFCF: You do remember that we dated, right?
Me: Fine, twenty bucks says that I can not only describe her boots, but I can probably get the designer too.
OFCF: OK, Mr. I’m-too-classy-to-admit-looking-at-a-girl’s-ass, you’re on… and you know I’m gonna ask her.
Me: You do remember that we dated right? I fully expect that you will ask her… They look like the stiletto boot from Burberry, but since she’s only 23, 24, she’d have to be a Trustafarian for them to be real. So I am guessing that they’re Nine West knock offs or whatever the house brand is over at Macy’s.
OFCF: If I hadn’t slept with you myself, I would seriously wonder if you were straight.
Me: I’m just gonna ignore that.
OFCF: I’m about to go ask her, you get your wallet out. [walks a couple of bar stools over]
OFCF: Excuse me, I love your boots.
Woman with the Hot Boots: Thank you so much, I just got them.
OFCF: Would you mind if I asked where you picked them up?
WHB: Not at all, 9 West was having a big holiday sale, they might still be 30% off.
OFCF: Thanks, and have a great night.
OFCF: [returning to her seat] Stop grinning like that. I always hated that Checkmate grin of yours.
Me: The what grin?
OFCF: That look of satisfaction you get when you know you’re about to win something… or about to get laid.
Me: We can explore that conversation in a bit… Where’s my twenty?
OFCF: You know I never carry cash.
Me: That is not on the rather long list of your charms, my dear.