Those Boots Were Most Definitely Not Made for Walking

Old Flame and Current Friend: Refugee, did you just check out her ass?!?  Really, I mean I am sitting right here.

Me: While not above the random appreciation of a woman’s ass, I was looking at her shoes.

OFCF: Uhhhhh, I’m calling bullshit on that one.

Me: Seriously I was looking at her boots.

OFCF: I mean, it’s OK if you were checking out her ass; you know I’m just busting your chops.

Me: Actually, I would think that a bit rude… the whole ogling versus appreciating thing and I try to avoid doing one either when out with a lady, date or no.

OFCF: You are so full of shit.

Me: Me being full of shit and having checked out her boots versus her ass are not mutually exclusive positions.

OFCF: Fine, then describe her shoes to me.

Me: Really? You have so little faith in me?

OFCF: You do remember that we dated, right?

Me: Fine, twenty bucks says that I can not only describe her boots, but I can probably get the designer too.

OFCF: OK, Mr. I’m-too-classy-to-admit-looking-at-a-girl’s-ass, you’re on… and you know I’m gonna ask her.

Me: You do remember that we dated right? I fully expect that you will ask her…  They look like the stiletto boot from Burberry, but since she’s only 23, 24, she’d have to be a Trustafarian for them to be real.  So I am guessing that they’re Nine West knock offs or whatever the house brand is over at Macy’s.

OFCF: If I hadn’t slept with you myself, I would seriously wonder if you were straight.

Me: I’m just gonna ignore that.

OFCF: I’m about to go ask her, you get your wallet out.  [walks a couple of bar stools over]

OFCF: Excuse me, I love your boots.

Woman with the Hot Boots: Thank you so much, I just got them.

OFCF: Would you mind if I asked where you picked them up?

WHB: Not at all, 9 West was having a big holiday sale, they might still be 30% off.

OFCF: Thanks, and have a great night.

OFCF: [returning to her seat] Stop grinning like that.  I always hated that Checkmate grin of yours.

Me: The what grin?

OFCF: That look of satisfaction you get when you know you’re about to win something… or about to get laid.

Me: We can explore that conversation in a bit… Where’s my twenty?

OFCF: You know I never carry cash.

Me: That is not on the rather long list of your charms, my dear.


10 Responses to Those Boots Were Most Definitely Not Made for Walking

  1. kitty says:

    this reminds me of the Sex and The City Episode where Carrie is dead on that a woman wearing a scrunchie wouldn’t be from Manhattan.

    Not sure how I feel about the comparison to SJP, so I am going to assume the allusion is to Darren Starr who is a damn fine writer.

  2. A says:

    Nothing wrong with a decent quality leather or suede knockoff if the colour or style will be out of fashion in a season. In fact, it demonstrates good sense…a rare and valuable quality.

    I couldn’t agree more. I didn’t mean for the “knock-off” statement to be a dis, just a descriptor.

  3. Liebchen says:

    I’m actually a little impressed with your powers of observation.

    And I’m loving the term “Checkmate grin.”

    Yeah, as soon as she said it, I knew that I would be adding that line to my lexicon.

  4. Kevin says:

    You and your boot fetish, you dog. This is the second post you’ve done giving chapter and verse on ladies’ footwear. Not that there’s anything wrong with that (as you said in a previous post).

    I am not quite willing to call it a fetish, just a particular area of expertise.

  5. Brando says:

    I guess a woman is less likely to get mad if you’re staring at her boots than if you’re staring at her butt.

    For the record, I was not starring, I was admiring. Gentleman don’t stare at boots or body parts.

  6. Lusty Reader says:

    competative people watching is the BEST. way too often i am only making bets with myself, not nearly as satisfactory as yours!

    I have been lobbying for it’s inclusion in the summer Olympics, but I keep getting rejected.

  7. Kristin says:

    Nicely said, Refugee. I can almost imagine the scene; though, I do know you.

    Thank you.

  8. Your Checkmate grin.
    I fucking love that.

    I’ve thrown that line around a few times since then.

  9. […] made me laugh at the familiarity of the notion. “An ex-girlfriend/current good friend refers to that as my ‘checkmate grin’… she te… I’d get rid of it if I could but I’d also be willing to bet that the differential […]

  10. […] Dirty Do-Gooder: Why didn’t you ever shave your head when we were dating? […]

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