Emotional Fluffers and Hypocrisy

WARNING: Navel Gazing Ahead

“…How does any of that change the fact that I feel like you contact me at your convenience, flirt with me at your leisure, and seemingly want me mostly as an emotional fluffer to remind you of your allure when your not feeling so alluring?”

That was the operative portion of an email I sent to a former-lover/maybe-friend in response to some suggestive messages she sent me late one recent night.  It wasn’t until I reread the email a few times (a self-congratulatory and vain habit I have when I feel like an email struck the perfect note) that I realized that I had been doing the same thing to various women and in varying degrees for much of my adult life.

This barely revelatory revelation shocked me despite its obviousness – I think that we have all done this at some point, right?  The hypocrisy of my outrage was the real problem for me.  There have been too many convenient women in my past, too many women that were fun enough, smart enough, attractive enough, but far from right, and I kept them around far longer than I ever should have.

This largely anonymous admission does little more than assuage my guilt about my past, but acknowledgement of one’s faults is the first step towards ownership of them. Right?

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16 Responses to Emotional Fluffers and Hypocrisy

  1. citygirlblogs says:

    I love your use of the term, “emotional fluffer.” I hadn’t heard of that expression before, but it sums up the experience (on either side of the fluffing coin) perfectly!

  2. k8 says:

    Carolyn says, “If you can name it, you can tame it.” Doesn’t mean I wasn’t clutching my phone last night, WILLING my self fortheloveagod to NOT TEXT HIM.

    And I didn’t. And when I woke up this morning, I was so very thankful that I hadn’t. So. Very.

  3. Christina says:

    I think the realization is the hard part it is how you follow it in the future that will be easier. It makes you very self aware.

  4. Jean says:

    Well, you’ve hit the first of the 12 steps, right?

    It seems that a great deal of the things that frustrate us so in others are the same flaws we’re guilty of ourselves. Your reaction makes sense, if you look at it that way.

  5. Gilahi says:

    I’m reminded of a scene from “Friends” in which one of the characters is convinced that he sabotages his own relationships. He finds a terrific woman and then dumps her because she says “supposably”.

  6. I agree with citygirlblogs – love the phrase.

    You’re right. Probably most people have done this in their life. It’s nice to have people fawn over us from time-to-time (just don’t choose the love sick, stalker like woman to do this with).

    The first step is admitting – so now what?

  7. Acknowledgment is good, of course.

    Changing the behavior? Breaking yourself of the habit?

    Anything’s possible, if you work hard enough.

  8. Vie says:

    It’s always the hardest to face our problems in others. My Ex and I have some very similar flaws, and when we used to fight, it would get epic. And awful.

    I believe people can change – but you have to want to. If you have a best friend who knows about your relationships, I would enlist his or her help.

  9. kitty says:

    i think this realization boils down to the simple fact that beds are warmer with two bodies. which, as you know, is increasingly important ’round this time of the year.

  10. We all do it/ have done it. We all also wish we didn’t have the opportunity to HAVE to do it.

  11. Alice says:

    god, i HATE the realization that something i don’t like about someone else is also something i don’t like about myself. and then that awful sinking feeling when you realize you’d better either start condemning yourself as well, changing yourself asap, or stop berating others for the same thing. hypocrisy, how well i know you.. 😛

  12. lacochran says:

    If you didn’t flirt, how would we recognize you?

    Go with your strengths.

  13. ella says:

    I’ve been that girl before. It wasn’t fair to either of us.

  14. omchelsea says:

    argh. I keep emotional fluffers around. You’ve just summed it up perfectly. I think I’ll go hide under my bed for a little while now.

  15. Michelle says:

    wow. that one hit a note. I must confess, I’ve been on BOTH sides of that sentiment. Hmmm. Food for thought….

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