I Know / I Wish

I know your boyfriend is an asshole and I haven’t even met him yet.  I wish I knew you well enough to say.

I know you don’t like me and that I wouldn’t trust you to make oxygen into carbon dioxide.  I wish that you would stop pretending.

I know that we’re back on friendly terms, can bend an elbow together even, but I’ll never be with you again.  I do wish that I could bottle that look from the first time I rejected you.

I know that you and your fiancé are happily ensconced in your life and you know that I love both you and her.  I do wish that you and I still had our great friendship.

I know that you mostly mean well when you keep offering me that gig.  I wish that I could take you seriously.

I know that you’re married and I am no threat to you, your husband, or your marriage.  I do wish I didn’t enjoy being around you quite so much.

I know that you’ve loved me since before I was born.  I wish you didn’t have such a fucked up way of showing it.

I know you’ve been sober for five years now and your sobriety is more important than our friendship.  I wish the two weren’t mutually exclusive.

I know that you’re a gentleman and a stand up guy.  I wish you hadn’t placed me in a position that asked me not to be too.

I know that I am a deeply flawed man.  I wish I spent more time trying to fix the fixable flaws and made less excuses to place flaws in the non-fixable column.


12 Responses to I Know / I Wish

  1. dan-E says:

    I know I really like the 7th and last one. I wish I couldn’t relate so closely.

    Thank you, and I wish that you couldn’t relate to the 7th.

  2. lacochran says:

    “I know that I am a deeply flawed man.”

    No fair. If you pick on yourself, what’s left for us to do?

    I know someone who used to say “We are all in development. All of us are works in progress.” I think that’s a much kinder way to see the human condition.

    The other things about which one can pick on me are legion. I am pretty sure I have an itemized list from my ex-wife somewhere around here.

  3. Jean says:

    You seem to be in a rather introspective mood lately. Cheers for honesty, but you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I like the previous comment about how we’re all works in progress.

    I don’t know that I am any more or less introspective than normal, but I certainly concede that the blog might be lately.

  4. Alice says:

    i know you’re making an effort to reach back out to me. i wish you wouldn’t. and i also wish i didn’t feel that way about it.

    I know that this comment was written in the spirit of the original post. I wish that my narcissism didn’t make me immediately think “what did I do to Alice?”

  5. justjp says:

    Strong work.

    Thank you.

  6. Titania says:

    I know we are all imperfect and sometime do/say thing we do not mean to. I wish I was strong enough to really forgive, forget and be able to trust again

    I think that we all struggle with the paradoxical truisms of the past as prologue and the human need to forgive.

  7. f.B says:

    re: #7

    People we’ve known that long are what they’ve become. There’s always the possibility of change, but it’s not our job to fight against the grain. That said, we can still look for ways to let whatever it is they can manage to be for us… work for us on our own terms.

    It is always difficult to manage relationships with people that we haven’t chosen, but you’re right – finding the way on our own terms is a good thing.

  8. kitty says:

    does it help to tell us, or do you leave the blog wishing you could say the same things to the people you’ve left unnamed?

    Because you asked:
    1 – self evident, I’d like to tell but can’t imagine that it will happen
    2 – will say if forced in a subsequent (and likely inevitable) encounter
    3 – ibid
    4 – did say a day after writing, a chance encounter
    5 – have said, repeatedly
    6 – nope, not saying that one ever, I don’t see an upside for anyone
    7 – not saying that one either
    8 – would say if given opportunity but not seeking it
    9 – will say if situation repeats itself but consider the prospect unlikely
    10 – I say it to myself just about every day

  9. shine says:

    Thanks for this. I really enjoyed reading it and. I hope you’ll take it as the compliment it’s meant to be when I feel the need to write one of my own. I promise there will be linkage.

    And #7…how I wish I didn’t know anything about that one in my own life.

    I would be most flattered, thank you.

  10. […] third part of the occasional and almost entirely navel-gazing I Know, I Wish series – (part I, part II for […]

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