Only in the Movies – Really, Just the Movies

It’s still spring but this was a summer storm – the kind that comes so suddenly it feels like God unzipped the roof. 

I was standing under the overhang of at a downtown Metro station with a growing handful of umbrella-less people waiting for enough cessation to dance between the fat and furious raindrops to our destinations.  I was more fortunate than most as my only appointment was a meeting of the Friday Four O’clock Cigar Club.

Angela emerged from the subway a few moments behind me.  She opened a silver cigarette case and pulled one of the contents to her lips.  She made no effort to find a lighter, perhaps because she didn’t have one or more likely because she looks like the kind of woman who is accustomed to having men light her cigarettes for her.  I was happy to oblige.

“Thank you, apparently it’s not dead” she said.

“All indications are that it’s on life support but certainly not dead just yet.”

I retraced the two steps I had taken to extend my lighter to her and went back to reading email on the crackberry. 

“So that’s your thing? You appear out of nowhere, light a woman’s fire and then go back to whatever you were doing so you look mysterious, is that you’re thing?” Angela volleyed.

“Ha, No, that’s not quite the plan.  I just think that courtesies should be extended on their own accord and not because the recipient happens to be good looking.”

“It doesn’t look like it’s going to let up anytime soon” Angela said by way of changing the subject.

“Yeah, I think I am just going to give up and just go upstairs to Morton’s for a cocktail. Would you care to join me?”

It was a throwaway invitation – the kind that is only accepted in the movies.  Not just because two strangers rarely meet on the street and share a cocktail minutes later (though more people should) but also because Angela is extremely tall for a woman and I am of average height for a man.  Yet she accepted.

I don’t think it took more than five minutes before I thought differently of both the offer and acceptance.  We had barely settled into a corner table on the covered patio and my bourbon had yet to arrive before a string of questions from Angela had been asked (and mostly obfuscated) in an effort for her to discern one thing: do I have enough money and/or juice to justify her sitting with me. 

Where did I go to school? Grad School? What do I do for a living? Where do I live? When did I buy? Parents?

About the time that Angela finished her glass of wine and the first part of her questioning, I had reached my breaking point.

“Thanks for having a drink with me.  If you leave me your business card, I am pretty sure that I can forward you my CV and credit report right from my blackberry.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary” she said her body unfolded from the chair and she grabbed her purse.

“I suppose not, but thanks anyway for having the drink.”

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35 Responses to Only in the Movies – Really, Just the Movies

  1. Christina says:

    Very Film Noir!

    Not sure if Casablanca is film noir, per se, but I was wearing a suit that I had made to look exactly like one he wore in that movie.

  2. lacochran says:

    Is it possible she was just a bad conversationalist? People ask the same boring questions all the time. I’m curious, what did you ask her?

    She was both a bad conversationalist and shallow as a hair root. For the record, the couple of questions that I was able to squeeze into the conversation were:
    Enough about me, tell me about you. What moves you?
    and
    Really, job and your house are the only things that move you?

  3. redhead says:

    I really detest women like this.

    A couple of beautiful phrases: “God unzipped the roof” and “fat and furious raindrops.” Le sigh.

    thank you and thank you, and yes women like this suck six ways to Sunday and none of them good.

  4. I think there’s something about each part of the country that makes it easy for people to be awful conversationalists. In DC, those types of questions are de rigeur. In NYC, introductory conversations frequently become battles of one-upsmanship, and nobody bats an eye.

    It seems she was either genuinely assessing your net worth, or, as lacochran suggests, a well-intentioned, but bad, conversationalist. Either way, one hopes the bourbon was good.

    No, she was assessing the calculable and intangible net worth – and for the record, I think that the frequency of these conversations in DC is more apocryphal than actual.

  5. Julie says:

    A very big part of me wants to punch her in the face.

    As tall as she is, she would have the reach on you, but your scrappier and I’d put my bet on you.

  6. Jo says:

    Ugh. Women like that actually exist? That’s so sad.

    They do exist – everywhere and not just DC – but they generally confine themselves to the crevices of the city where men instantly demonstrate their willingness to spend money (if not their actual net worth) by ordering usuriously priced bottles of mediocre champagne.

  7. The Girl says:

    Good grief, that is horrible. Gals like that need to be smacked.

    But, at least it makes for a more interesting story than, “I got caught in the rain the other day,” right?

    There is always the “I got a good story out of it” factor. I look at it as a blogortunity.

  8. f.B says:

    Silly me. I assumed the “it” she thought was not yet dead was chivalry. Apparently, she didn’t want a man who was chivalrous. She wanted a man who was coddling.

    Sadly, I don’t do the coddling thing well (yes, I know how much you hate that phrasing, so that was just for you, my friend.)

  9. kathleen says:

    this, sir, is part of why I left DC. The questions. Never. End.

    I understand this notion of DC being filled with vapid, power hungry daters of opportunity. It is an image that is fed by a media that views my beloved city in terms of “the problem” rather than the solutions. I also think that it is greatly exaggerated – I can count on one hand the number of times I have had similar conversations with women and I won’t use all of my fingers.

  10. Alleigh says:

    The question is whether or not she reads your blog…

    At least it made for a great story and a fun blog post!

    I doubt that she reads my blog – the law of averages and all – but that does remind me of a story about the last time someone quoted my blog back to me (unbeknown to them) that I should tell sometime… and thanks for the kind words.

  11. dan-E says:

    yeah, women like that are a dime a dozen. what kind of bourbon?

    Blanton’s with two stones, thank you much; but I switched to Pappy Van Winkle 20year once I learned that they had procured a bottle.

  12. Kristin says:

    Some things should just stay in the movies. The reality is too disappointing.

    …what saddens me is that I know this, but I keep touching the hot stove and hoping for a different result (and yes, I know exactly what kind of crazy that makes me.)

  13. [F]oxymoron says:

    Very interesting!

    You have much more patience than I will ever have.

    It really didn’t require that much patience; but the attraction was, as Shakespeare would say, Time’s fool as she was scorchingly hot when we first met, but not so much after that glass of wine.

  14. Titania says:

    It sounds like she was extremely shallow, but maybe, just maybe (hey, I trying here to give her the benefit of the doubt!), she just was an awful conversationalist… Although, I believe you (one) can usually tell more through a “skin” reaction than by the questions made.

    I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt right until she walked over the edge by asking “so is there any real money to be made in your business?”

  15. ella says:

    Did she at least order good wine?

    …with a little bit of help, yes.

  16. Shannon says:

    I think I’m gonna just cut to the chase and ask suitors for their last three tax returns. What, is that shallow?

  17. Maxie says:

    You would think that even if someone only cared about those things they’d at least try to hide it until date 2 or 3. What an idiot.

  18. kathleen says:

    I wholeheartedly disagree, at least in terms of DC vs. Portland. I moved in November, and I have not had the “what do you DO?” question asked in the first ten seconds of conversation once. It’s not vapid women that abound in your fair city, it’s just the underlying, how can this person help me get where I need to get in life, aspect that wears at a person.

    I will never disagree with someone else’s perspective in the sense that it’s your’s not mine.

  19. Silly fool just needed to casually glance at your wrist, admire your watch and KNOW she was sitting next to someone worth knowing.

    Those kind of women don’t know from antique watches.

  20. these kind of folks..men and women… are who i blame for my penchant for savagely protecting my privacy.. xoxo

  21. I thought you mentioned she was attractive…..

    She’s sounds quite ugly to me and gives a bad name to women.

    Sorry you had to share your airspace with her and a great movie moment had been wasted.

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