It was a chance meeting – she entering the metro and I exiting. My bus was alighting just yards away and I still stopped her to say hello even though she hadn’t seen me. That is among the foolish things that kryptonite will make a man do. Our pleasantries were brief – a couple of “Hi, how are you’s” and a “where are you headed.” My plan was for the evening was only semi-fluid but still I responded with a tacit invitation for Kryptonite to join me for a drink.
Fortunately for me, Ms. K. was headed to a different bar uptown to meet friends and watch the hockey game. She invited me to join but reason overcame my brain and I declined.
My fluid plan changed to solid form and I had a couple of drinks, some appetizers and a magnificent steak at Capitol Grille’s bar. Yet as my companion and I left Kryptonite crept back into my head.
I cannot explain, to myself or friends, my attraction for her at least not to my satisfaction. On the plus side, she is very smart, reasonably attractive, and we mostly have good conversations. The negatives are more pronounced – she is needlessly argumentative, combative, has unresolved private traumas that manifest themselves in interpersonally harmful ways, and is a bit of a drunk. By any reasonable measure (and I consider my mind a reasonable measure) she is a bad element for me to have in my life. Still she has this power over me.
I know that I would never be able to love her and that my feelings are not lustful; but I do not understand my desire. I know that there is no future –for the love of bacon, she drinks bad wine – but seeing her makes me want her… badly.
As I related this to my companion for evening, it finally hit me. Though I do want her when I see her, more than that, I want her to want me. Thus is the nature of Kryptonite.