No Vibrations

Maggie and I had a rough start to our acquaintanceship mostly because she was tweaked by my notion that Ansel Adams’ photography is the embodiment of overrated.  I might have used the words dilettante, hack, and effete in describing Mr. Adams and or his work.  Over time we have moved past those indelicacies and her general uptightness to become occasional if accidental drinking partners as we were Sunday with a large group on the roof of the Reef.

At least three conversations were taking place – one of them about sharing a toothbrush with a partner.  Two camps emerged: the “Seriously, This Is Not a Big Deal Camp” and the “Are You Fucking Nuts Camp.”  Surprisingly Maggie was firmly in No Big Deal camp. 

I was in the No Fucking Way camp but I was never too entrenched in the position.  Honestly, I should admit that I was probably taking the No Way position because it was funnier.  After a couple minutes of conversational volleys, I finally was ready to issue the trump-line that has been in my head since the discussion started.

“Maggie, if you’d share a toothbrush, Christ on a cracker would you share a vibrator too?”

A satisfying amount of laughter ensued before Maggie stopped laughing and responded.

“That is not the same thing; it’s not like I put a Crest Pro Heath up my hoo-haw.  Besides, I don’t have a vibrator.”

“You don’t have a vibrator?  Are you serious?”

“No, I don’t.”

I was stunned.  A modern though uptight, and cartoonishly gorgeous 30 something woman without a vibrator was not nearly as surprising as the fact that I kept my “that explains so much thought” to myself.

 

Dear Dozen Loyal Readers,

Have I watched too many episodes of television, or is it truly abnormal for a woman not to have a “personal flotation device?” And where do you stand on the toothbrush debate?

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23 Responses to No Vibrations

  1. Fearless says:

    In my opinion, flotation devices are for those who cannot swim.

    I’ve never shared a toothbrush. Or rather, I’m not aware of ever having shared a toothbrush.

    To Extend the metaphor ad absurdum, I think that flotation devices are not necessarily for those who cannot swim, but for anyone who wants to have a little more fun in the pool.

  2. SingleGirl says:

    Oooohhhh, interesting debate.

    I stand firmly in the Are You Fucking Nuts Back Away From My Toothbrush Camp.

    And, Refugee, it is a compliment to your women friends that they are forward thinking and modern. But, yes, I believe that the more uptight a woman is the less likely she is to own a toy. There are lots of women who don’t have them. They don’t know what they are missing. And, again, yes, it explains SO much.

    I probably sprained my elbow congratulating myself for keeping that comment to myself.

  3. Shannon says:

    I wouldn’t share a toothbrush, never ever. Someone might steal my DNA and clone me. I do, however, keep a stash of extra toothbrushes in my medicine cabinet.

    Zackly, extra toothbrushes are the way to go.

  4. Lusty Reader says:

    The comparison of “tooth brush share with significant other” and “vibrator share with significant other” started me down a very weird train of thought…How would a woman share her vibrator with a significant other? Wouldn’t that only work if she was a lesbian? And then I decided that in that situation it was fine to share. My thought process is now frightening me.

    I follow your line of thought, I’m just not sure that I wanted to.

  5. Kevin says:

    If I have no problem kissing someone, why should I care if they use my toothbrush?

    As I have never owned one, I have no point of reference on sharing a vibrator. Maybe among good friends?

    Your logic is sound. However by that reasoning consider all of the other things you would share; further consider the number of people with whom you would share them. You would never consider it unreasonable to kiss a woman who has kissed other men or women, but would you really want to share a toothbrush that she has shared with others before you?

  6. laloca says:

    i’d rather not share my toothbrush. but significant other participation with the vibrator can be loads of fun. especially by hour 6 or 7.

    (*sharing* of the vibrator should only be done with a condom on it, for the health & safety of all involved, though. and that’s my PSA for the day.)

    agreed, agreed (but with me participating without anything inserted anywhere near me,) agreed (though only in my head), and agreed.

  7. i like to think that most modern forward thinking women of today…can walk in heels, read a map, make at least one great meal, use appropriate birth control, know how to love themselves, and keep a spare toothbrush under the sink…
    xoxo

    Most women I know hit all of those marks with the map being the only (glaring) exception.

  8. Lemmonex says:

    Sharing a toothbrush is probably the cleanest thing I will do with a dude. I don’t mind at all.

    This makes me think of that commercial for Orbit Gum – “Got a Dirty Mouth? Clean It Up

  9. LiLu says:

    Not even a little egg? I mean, it’s certainly not required, but I am kind of surprised that a WOMAN (not a girl) wouldn’t have some sort of toy, however small.

    As for the toothbrush, you know where I stand on that. Eh. (Shrugs shoulders.)

    Seriously, it really did place the entirety of our interactions into a broader context.

  10. Shannon says:

    I can read a map and plot a route in no time, unfortunately, once I’m out in the world I get completely lost. Kinda like life, no?

    You mean you don’ t have a road map to personal happiness?

  11. Me & Mine share a toothbrush (mostly out of laziness) The no vibrator thing is just plain weird. And wrong. And bad.
    (I am also NOT a fan of Ansel Adams for which I have been told that I am going directly to hell which will of course consist of me in an Ansel photo sitting under a tree with a fucking wolf in my lap.)

    For the record, Ansel Adams captured breathtaking images of nature, however all of the power of his images rests with nature not his camera or his eye. Given unlimited funds (dilettante) and enough time a clever boyscout could reproduce all of it.

  12. Miss Scorpio says:

    No opinion on the toothbrush matter. As to the vibrator…I didn’t invest in one until I split with my ex and took a year long man fast. Before I didn’t have a need. It was then that I wondered how I had went so long without one.

    I felt that way when I finally broke down and got a PDA though I suspect that one delivers more happiness than the other.

  13. Titania says:

    I keep a set of spare toothbrush… mostly because I usually destroy them within 3 weeks of use. Not sure how I do it but I do it… anyways, I am not sharing. No. I am not. Vibrator, I need to get one, been considering it for a while, and probably the catholic school background is still stopping my atheist self. In any case, I am getting one and I will probably not keep and extra stash of them, but I am not sharing either.

    Yes, woman for the love of bacon and all things holy, please get thyself a vibrator… and fast. Only the feckless men among us are threatened by the knowledge of its existence in your drawer.

  14. Lazygal says:

    I’d be more open to sharing a toothbrush than my “flotation device”. On the other hand, I have the former and not the latter, so it’s not an issue. As for why I don’t have the latter: there are no models out there with full cuddle capability, that are self-propelled/directed and can make male-sounding noises (as opposed to motor noises), no thanks.

    I get it, there is no device that can create intimacy. However if there were some heterosexual male equivalent, I would have a drawer full and own stock in a company that made them.

  15. I love my husband but I don’t want my toothbrush in his mouth. No. Ew.

    I also have never owned a vibrator. Sounds like a yeast infection waiting to happen….

    Ibid.

  16. ella says:

    my knee jerk reaction is “eeww no way i’m sharing a tooth brush.” then i thought, “well, if i’m willing to perform oral on him – and have that in my mouth – what’s the harm in sharing toothbrush germs?” seems kind of backwards to be ok with one and not the other. as for the vibrator, my first was a gift from a former lover and although he is long gone, i’ll never go without a vibrator again. ever. did i mention ever?

    my knee jerk reaction to your second reaction is “chicken and the egg…”

  17. Sharing a toothbrush is a deal breaker for me. Not sure why, but it grosses me out!

    I was given a vibrator from my sister when I separated and can’t imagine what took me so long to get one.

    Would I share my vibrator? No way. Same feelings about my toothbrush apply to sharing the vibrator.

    I am assuming that it was new… right?

  18. Sara says:

    I am not a huge Ansell Adams fan either, but one must recognize his work in context, understanding when he did what he did as well as exactly what it was that he created (although with photography you really don’t ‘create’ anything, you simply capture something that already exists).

    In regards to the vibrator, I find it funny that there is an assumption that a woman who chooses not to have and/or use one is less sexually evolved or prude. Some people like power boats and some people like sail boats…one may get you to your ultimate destination faster but it a louder, bumpier and less physically involved ride.

    The thing about Mr. Adams and his work is that he had virtually unlimited resources and shot thousands of frames to get one image. During that era of film photography it was too expensive for any artist to do that. Most photographers of the time shot 100 frames in hopes of one salable image. Imagine the advantage if you had parental bank roll to go to these places and stay as long as you wished and shoot 20 times more frames than everyone else. He was as Robert Frost would have said “playing tennis without a net.”

    oh and the boating analogy – beautifully said.

  19. jamy says:

    Sharing a toothbrush is NOT hygenic–it can spread bacteria and infection. Kissing does not involve the same risks.

    As to the vibrator–the journey is completely satisfying without one, though in a different way. Using all the options is nice but just because you don’t own one doesn’t mean you are never taking the trip.

  20. If I won’t share my toothbrush, you’d think I’d be crazy enough to accept a hand-me-down vibrator??

    Just remember, there are some things that should never be handed down or purchased at a tag sale……

  21. kathleen says:

    I don’t have a “personal floatation device” but I probably would get one if I went without sex for too long…

    And I’d share a toothbrush, if it meant I was having sex instead of having to shop for a vibrator.

  22. Poor girl doesn’t know what she’s missing.

    I don’t mind sharing much these days but, like many who’ve spoken before me, I’m a gracious hostess and like to keep spare toothbrushes in the cabinet.

    As for sharing a toy, whatever as long as it’s been cleaned. Seriously, I’ve eaten M&M’s off the floor and wiped my tush with a pile of leaves. I have no “icky ooh” leg to stand on.

  23. redhead says:

    I have a spare toothbrushes in my bathroom because I might have company…and a vibrator or two because I might not.

    That is preparedness that a boyscout would envy.

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