My Weekend Interpreted as Three Rounds of Jeopardy

Category: Friday Night

Value Answer Question
$200 Prodigious, Epic, Prolific, Stupid What are adjectives used to describe the amount of drinking I did on Friday night?
$400 A self imposed run of at least four miles or until vomiting begins the morning after a night of drinking What is a punishment run?
$600 The act of attempting to sleep with an old flame in whom you are no longer interested solely for the purpose of establishing that his/her attraction remains What is Ego-Fluffing, Alex?
$800 Refusing the romantic overtures of an old flame despite a critical intersection of intoxication and horniness What is one of my brief moments of sanity, Alex?
$1000 Leaving a tip which is overly generous even by the standards of industry courtesy What is intoxitipation?

Category: Saturday Night

Value Answer Question
$200 Anything that you keep, whether stolen or given to you, from someone’s house after you’ve slept with them; synonym: screwvenier What is a Fuckmento, Alex – as in I had drinks with a former paramour / current friend who signed our tab with an antique pen that has been missing from my house for years.
$400 Also the name of a song this phrase refers to something that is accidentally flirtatious said in a loud bar What is a Careless Whisper?
$600 If you can’t identify the mark at the poker table within the first two hands it’s probably you What is Darwin’s Law of Poker?
$800 Losing a hand of Hold ’em to running deuces on the river when you had trip Kings and your opponent was sitting on a pair of deuces after the flop What is a beat that sucks more than a Tijuana Hooker, Alex?
$1000 Playing in a poker game that starts at 2am after another night on the town What is the personification of Stupid, Alex?

Category: Sunday

Value Answer Question
$200 A common toast amongst restaurant industry employees that is indicative of the special meaning the Sabbath holds for them What is Happy Sunday?
$400 The number of drinks in front of a person at Sunday brunch is almost always directly proportionate to the amount of drinks consumed the night before. What is the Bacchus Hierarchy of Needs?
$600 Commonly referred to as URAPs, these people clog email inboxes and blackberries the world over with annoying messages What are Unnecessary Reply All People
$800 The last seat of the horseshoe bar on the roof deck of The Reef where you get to lean back against the pole whilst drinking and have a commanding view of all activities before you What is Pole Position, Alex?
$1000 The excessive wearing of absurdly oversized sunglasses by 20something women What is I Wish I was Holly Golightis

16 Responses to My Weekend Interpreted as Three Rounds of Jeopardy

  1. Fearless says:

    Just another boring weekend, hmm?

    There were a couple of interesting moments.

  2. justjp says:

    “What is the Bacchus Hierarchy of Needs?”

    Awesome. Who say’s blogs do not teach…

    The easiest way to spot the slightly hungover bartender at brunch is to look for the person with a water, a glass of juice, cup of coffee, and a mimosa before them.

  3. Lemmonex says:

    “intoxitipation”…awesome. I have to save this one for a rainy day.

    The state of which is usually only discovered when reviewing credit card receipts from the prior night.

  4. I-66 says:

    As long as we’re talking about WHAM!’s Careless Whisper, and not the awful cover…

    There was a cover? Say it ain’t so…

  5. lacochran says:

    Did you risk it all in Final Jeopardy?

    Still waiting on the question

  6. Lisa says:

    Very clever. I love this.

    I must, however, mention that I have several pairs of absurdly oversized sunglasses, which I love. But I’m not 20-something. Also, can readily admit that some days I would effing love to be Holly Golightly. Perhaps these mitigate?

    Lisa, dear Lisa, you know that I heart you, but this trend really must cease. It’s time to give the 90s their look back.

  7. LiLu says:

    My brain hurts from all the clever here.

    I forgive you.

    You’re entirely too kind.

  8. Hate the “reply all” option….Wish my computer sensed a “reply all” message and responded with “take offline”.

    I am truly stunned by the sheer volume of people who think their quips are so fucking clever they must be shared with the world… if you’re witticisms are that profound just write a blog like the rest of us vain people.

  9. Kevin says:

    Went all in on pocket bullets once, got beat down by pocket deuces and a deuce on the river. Such a short and sad, sad evening.

    I snarfed my Fresca at the “fuckmento” comment (two expensive button-downs and a Schoolhouse Rugby jersey come to mind.)

    Oh, and @ 66, the Seether version of Careless Whisper? Not too shabby at all.

    This is why playing poker with shitty players can sometimes be overrated.

  10. No bonus round? That’s when I’m on FIRE!!!

    Ya know… I meant to ask for Final Round Answers to be left in the comment section, but I forgot.

  11. gilahi says:

    Very, very cleverly done. I’m almost certain that I intoxitipated on Sunday night. That’s another clue, by the way… when you’re “almost” certain.

    Thanks, and that is certainly a big clue.

  12. Meg says:

    Brilliant! I may have to quote you on the Bacchus Hierarchy of Needs. I knew it existed, just never knew its name.

    Thanks and quote at will – just glad I can help.

  13. ella says:

    my best fuckmento was a silver dollar that stuck to his butt and my hand found it in the moment. i kid you not. it must have fell out of his pocket as clothing was shed and then, well…stuck to his butt cheek. i still have that coin in my jewelry box.

    Oh my god, I’ve been looking for that!

  14. [F]oxymoron says:

    I’m enthralled by the way in which you present your weekend… awesome!

    Thanks much – although I must admit that it probably reads far more interesting than it was.

  15. i’ve spent three days-ish trying to come up with comment that was as clever as your post…but…(and this may or may not be a side effect of the Bacchus Hierarchy of Needs) i’m gonna just have to go with…
    …well done my dear..well done…

    thank you, and I must admit that stumping you is its own reward.

  16. […] Why not try and make your own Weekend Interpreted as Rounds of Jeopardy? […]

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