An Ordinary Reminder of the Unordinary

It’s the little things I remember most: the first time I caught a hit of her perfume, the moment her ankle crossed mine and she decided to leave it there, the exact height of her bed and color of the sheets, a certain sundress and the way she let the left strap wander down her shoulder.

I am deluding myself – I remember every fucking thing about ADA.  So when I saw her virtual fingerprints on certain parts of this blog yesterday morning, I swallowed hard and blinked four times hoping to refocus my eyes after a long Saturday night without a decent interval of sleep.  Between StatCounter and my imagination, I was left with the indelible mental picture of ADA lying in her bed of certain height and linens slightly off white and reading my thoughts about our time together.

The picture was at least as hard to remove as the questions, and thoughts of wishes left unfulfilled.

Does she know that it was unordinary for me? Am I really over her?  What was she thinking as she read?  Why do I care so much?  Will the thought of her always have this power over me?  These questions and more ping-ponged through my mind while showered.

As I dressed for day four of basketballapalooza, I closed my laptop with more force than required.  I wonder if that chapter of my life will ever close, or if I ever want it to?

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7 Responses to An Ordinary Reminder of the Unordinary

  1. Fearless says:

    In my own experience, those distracting echoes can lead to some very dark places, even when they seem quite harmless. Travel with care.

    Funny how the seemingly innocuous can bite in the ass.

  2. Daniel says:

    It is weird when old flames read your previously unknown thoughts on the web. I had a very similiar occurance a while back. Very awkward…

    weird and awkward are definitely two of the words that describe it.

  3. That period will end and you won’t even notice when it does. One day you will be reminded of her and say… “Oh yeah….”

    I know you write truth, but I’ll believe it when that day comes.

  4. ella says:

    I just wish there was a spot on the calendar I could flip to a page, tap it with my finger and say, this day..if I can just make it to this day, then I’ll be over him and can move on. Two years ago today, ironically, he left me. Chose her over me. Two years and I still can’t find that spot on the calendar.

    I do hope that there was someone nearby to offer a hug after you wrote that.

  5. Sara says:

    I don’t think the chapters ( or at least the significant ones) ever close. They may get smaller and smaller and slowly move to the back but they are always there, lingering and opening when you least expect it.

    I don’t want the chapter to go away, just to be less awkward and disquieting when it gets opened.

  6. LiLu says:

    I’m with Sara. Though eventually, you will feel a glow of affection and nostalgia when said chapters are suddenly opened, rather than a rise in pulse rate and so, so many questions…

    I love that we are all in agreement that such a day will come, but none of us have ever gotten there.

  7. […] believe all of these things about our world and what we want and then suddenly an unordinary love comes along and shakes our sensibilities like a fucking snow globe.  Only in the face of that test […]

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