A Close Hold

“Hey Refugee, when are you going to give me the address to your secret blog people keep telling me about?”

I doubt Miss Manners has ever had to encounter a situation quite like this; but I am pretty confident that she would posit that any request to learn an explicit secret is rude.  I am not sure if I was more bothered by the question or my exceedingly lame “then it wouldn’t be a secret any more would it” response. Fortunately, the question was slurred in my direction from a more than casual (but not by much) acquaintance whose attention was quickly diverted back to his drink.

I knew that this day would come.  This city’s too small, a few details too specific, and some confidences are held only as well as the possessor holds their liquor.  I know the people I have told about this place, and I know that I asked for their discretion.  I know a few of the people who have deduced because they made a show of telling me about their deductive thoughts.  I also know that I can’t un-ring the bell for people who have heard, traded in gossip, or even those who might have learned through my own indiscretion.  

Funny thing about the bifurcated world of anonymous blogging is that we are free to be as open, raw, vulnerable, profane, angry, or guarded as the bounds of our conscious will allow.  Even when that cloak of anonymity is pulled back to translate virtual relationships with other bloggers or readers into material bonds we still do so on our own terms.  We do so with the knowledge that we will be sharing this information with that subset who can read and touch.  When we disclose to pre-blogging friends or others who don’t know it is that same controlled release.

To you all in my blind spot, I ask that you not expand the circle, because I like the freedom of controlled release.  I like being able to write openly.

So next time our paths cross pretend like you never read the story about the time I _________________ because I didn’t tell you.



You know it is Wednesday and I took my turn as contributing editor at DC Blogs. Go on check out that which moved me more than most this past week.

And here are a few links I also was digging but couldn’t use in the round-up for whatever reason:

Just about anyone who has talked to me for more than twenty minutes since this summer has heard me blame almost the entirety of our current economic crisis on the grotesque greed of the Masters of the Universe.  If I had the time to write an op-ed for the Washington Post and wrote as well as two leading professors from Harvard University, it would have been something like this.

I really think that Vix, The Over Educated Nympho, has the best idea about re-jiggering not just Valentine’s Day but the entire month of February for single people.   Happy I Am So Much Hotter Than That New Tool/Hooker S/He is Dating” Day.

The DC Universe finds time to dis Marion Barry, Old Rich People, and a suspect press conference question all in one post.



11 Responses to A Close Hold

  1. Lemmonex says:

    While I totally feel you on this, I finally had to just give in. I never guarded my anonymity as much as you, but people figure it out. Your name may eventually leak. It is the risk we take.

  2. Fearless says:

    This is a topic that has been preoccuping my own thoughts lately. I am somewhat fortunate in that very few readers of my own blog hail from the greater Toronto area. I jealously guard my anonymity, and yet it also feels like a burden, one that grows more heavy with each passing post.

  3. Lisa says:

    It’s a delicate thing, the comfort level. I’ve never been anonymous, but I don’t hand it out on cards either. At some point early on I decided that if any of the middle people – not strangers but not close friends – were critical to my face, then they were clearly people I didn’t need in my life.

  4. f.B says:

    I gave in quickly, but since have pulled back slightly. I thought the blog could be the way I got over a reluctance I live in “real” person. But it’s not that simple. The truth is that I’m so close to the character I write, that my name is the only line between the two. It’s unsettling. It’s like rehearsing on a stage under a spotlight so bright that you don’t even realize there’s an audience in those seats until the light dies down. It’s only then you learn it’s not just your peers (fellow bloggers) you knew were stage right awaiting their turn, but there’s a crowd full of people who came to see the show. And crowds don’t give or share; they just take. Only other performers get how hard this is.

  5. Didn’t tell me what? I have no idea what you’re talking about……..

  6. LiLu says:

    I worry about this as well, but as we all have varying degrees of shame, I’m still able to write pretty openly. However, you know that I will do my part to keep your invisibility cloak intact, my dear.

  7. freckledk says:

    One day, people will find out that I’m actually Morgan Fairchild. I’m doing everything I can to prolong the inevitable, and would suggest you follow suit.

  8. Lazygal says:

    I, too, have a nom-du-blog, and I’ve been “outed” on occasion. For that reason, there is a filter on what I say there (after all, my employer past, present or future may be reading!).

    There are some that think that anonymous blogging is somehow less valid than named (eg, if you can’t put your name behind it, you’re a coward). I think it gives you some freedom to say things that you might not otherwise say and in ways in which you might otherwise not say them. Blog on!

    Anyone who would suggest that anonymous blogging is somehow less valid clearly hasn’t read the deeply personal, soul crushing posts that many people are free to write because of their nom du blog.

  9. ella says:

    a few years ago i had a blog that was very different from the one i share now. that former blog was much more diary-ish and i’ll freely admit i said and posted mildly irreverant things there that i wouldn’t dare post now. but i also poured my breaking heart and soul into those posts (the good, the bad, the silly, the gut wrenching). when i met Himself, i didn’t want there to be any secrets between us so i shared the blog with him. HUGE HUGE HUGE mistake. he couldn’t see the forest for all the trees. he could never understand why i blogged and all that it gave back to me. he looked beyond my own blog, to that of others i associated with and extrapolated their differing values onto mine. he was ruthless and unfair about it. i’m much more careful about what i post now on the new blog, almost in preparation of an “oops i accidentally found your blog” moment in the future. i self-censor, i’ll admit it. it’s still me, PG rated. just in case…

    I once made the mistake of sharing this blog with a woman I dated briefly. There were reasons that made sense at the time but I would never do it again.

  10. lacochran says:

    I feel the same way. Completely.


  11. attainingme says:

    my thoughts have been circling this as of late as well. I have shared with some that I am starting to fall in love with writing and the where’s, what’s and why’s are met with haphazard answers, not unlike yours. I refrain from using the word blog, to disallow the mind knowing I have a site that is full of unguarded truths . . .

    I thank you for this post. As I will tread cautiously and keep my new satisfaction to myself.

    My problem is strictly with those who enjoy trafficking in gossip.

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