The Tick Tock of an Insomniac Night

If you are prone to disdaining self-involved, literarily vomitous blog posts, you should stop reading now (I would if I saw that disclaimer.)     

22:04 Contemplate the relative benefits of the speed of a taxi home versus the exercise and potentially fatiguing merit of walking
22:09 Decide instead that another beer would be a better sleep aid
22:10 Continue pecking at laptop at the bar
23:04 Feel first yawn of the night – a reasonable time considering the average of 2.35 hours sleep per night – and make decision to leave bar
23:08 Yes, public transportation and the corresponding walk will be good for sleep habits and wallet
23:51 Arrive home, determine that walk home was more invigorating that tiring
00:02 Pour myself a bourbon nightcap before undressing
00:36 Convinced that sleep is coming, settle into softer clothes, and brush teeth
00:42 Take another sip of bourbon and realize that Crest Pro Fresh does not aid the taste of single barrel bourbon
00:55 First attempt at lying in the still bed in the lightless room with the dulcet tones of the ocean from the too expensive and non-functional sleep machine
01:23 Accept the temporary futility, rise from bed, go to desk
01:26 Crank up the internet machine
01:28 Attempt to write something for which payment is expected
01:48 Realize that insomnia and writers block are evil and generally conjoined twins
01:51 Attempt to write something for the blog you have not particularly loved lately
01:59 Consider the therapeutic benefit of more bourbon but decide against it
02:24 Accept the futility of attempting to write and start reading other people’s words
02:37 Realize that if I continue reading newspapers I will have a hole in my day tomorrow, fuck, later today; switch to blogs
02:46 Tire of music and decide that late night replay of The Liberal Trinity on MSNBC will be better
02:51 Wonder if advertisers really think that men are so stupid that we fall for these cheesy pre-Valentine’s commercials
03:37 Experience yawns that feel real this time, make second attempt at sleep, actually drift off
04:41 Wake for no good reason – like there would be a good reason to rise at this moment, besides a good reason
04:49 Resist the urge to rise, pretend that repositioning and being still will hasten sleep’s return
05:03 Curse the gods of sleep for mocking me and suspect that they’re laughing at me in the voice of Fran Drescher
05:12 Stay still because doctors have said that rising will not help.
  Drift off
06:25 Wake again, cranky and refusing to be mocked any longer, rise get day started

 

 

 

 

 

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14 Responses to The Tick Tock of an Insomniac Night

  1. jo says:

    I have no problem sleeping and when I do I take a Tylenol PM, however my fiance does. His nights often look very similar to yours but instead of blogs he reads about guitar gear on the Gear Page. Sometimes I wish I could share my ease of sleep with others….epecially after reading something like this.

    I have avoided sleeping aids, other than bourbon, but am seriously reconsidering that position.

  2. deutlich says:

    I took your advice

    I am sure you are better for having done so.

  3. f.B says:

    All gods who laugh mockingly at us should be told they sound like Fran Drescher….

    or Sarah Palin (that’s a joke that just keeps on giving.)

  4. mayprincess2003 says:

    This sounds kind of how my nights the last few days have panned out. However, instead of blogs, I have taken to reading novels in the middle of the night. I started a 4 novel series Monday night and as of this morning, I am a quarter of the way into book 3. While this has been great for my to-read list, it doesn’t help me function well for my morning client meetings…

    If I were to start a book, I know that I would never go back to sleep. I have to do the short works so newspapers, magazines and blog posts are just about right.

  5. I hate when Fran Drescher laughs at me. Bitch.

    That woman’s voice could make “Refugee, you’ve just won a million dollars” sound like nails against a chalkboard.

  6. Sara says:

    Why does the clock mock you when you can’t sleep? As if every flash of red is designed to remind you that you should be out cold by now.

    Clocks mock because in the grip of insomnia your mind uses everything as evidence that the universe hates you.

  7. Lisa says:

    I got all tense reading that. The hoping, trying to relax, trying to distract, waiting for sleep is so stressful.

    It is my constant excuse for cranky these days.

  8. LiLu says:

    I have to say, ironically enough, this week I’ve quit drinking (much)…

    And I’ve slept like a baby every night.

    WTF!?

  9. Julie says:

    I think 1:59am was the point of the night where you dropped the ball…

  10. lacochran says:

    Sometimes alcohol helps. Sometimes it gets in the way.

    At least you got blog material out of it. Ka-CHING! 🙂

  11. ella says:

    about three years ago i had a rough patch with insomnia. i would lay in bed, night after night with alternating thoughts of everything, and then nothing. the sheep refused to be counted and the white noise machine on my bedside table was equally worthless. and then i discovered blogging. all those thoughts that wouldn’t leave me alone at night were purged through my fingertips as i typed and finally, sleep would come.

  12. […] real inclination to watch the movie.  I’m going to blame HBO for showing it a bunch of times and my insomnia for choosing it over […]

  13. […] have discussed my insomnia in this space on more than one occasion. For me, insomnia manifests in waves.  Over the last twenty years, I’ve faced calm […]

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