Taking My Own Bitter Pill

I sent an email to an acquaintance recently that closed with a crude paraphrase from the book All I Ever Really Needed to Know I learned in Kindergarten – “When you fuck up, saying you’re sorry is the first thing you need to do.

It kinda sucks when you fail your own code of conduct.

I tell myself that it’s not often the real me that gets me in trouble; but that twelve year old awkward boy who still inhabits at least part of my soul – yeah, he’s a real pill.  I am rarely harmed by the tweenager spirit that helps me find joy in the simple; but that boy who still hears echoes of rejection can scream with the voice of demons shouting down better angels.

It is that voice that urges me to seek, encourage and ultimately accept the affections of a woman even when I know I should not and creates the awkward where it need not exist.  It is that voice who aids one day slipping to three or four before returning a call.  It is that voice who argues the virtues of childish silence but misses the irony.

I’d love to lay all the blame at that little boy’s not yet grown into feet, to absolve my better self from blame; but I cannot.  The boy is part and parcel of the larger man who bares responsibility and must make the apology.

I fucked up, and an apology is the least I can do.

 

 

*************************

You know it is Wednesday and I took my turn as contributing editor at DC Blogs. Go on check out that which moved me more than most this past week.

And here are a few links for blog posts I also was digging but couldn’t use in the round-up for whatever reason:

The DC Universe asks the question that should be on the mind of every Nats fan or DC taxpayer – WTF, Mayor Fenty?  WTF, Ted Lerner?

Ken and Belly teach me something about small humans – the ability to play in snow is not inherent.  Do not be fooled, I still want no spawn.

Slow Food has stopped eating Chesapeake Crabs, a choice I made a couple seasons ago.  And it sucks.  We need to get serious about protecting the bay.

And if you haven’t seen LiLu’s new look, what the hell is keeping you? 

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10 Responses to Taking My Own Bitter Pill

  1. Lemmonex says:

    Saying “I fucked up”, without excuses, will get ya pretty far in life.

    No excuses, just an apology that I acknowledged was inadequate.

  2. Shannon says:

    I have a rule that an apology followed by an excuse is not an apology. I don’t follow it 100% of the time, but I try.

    I have gotten better about the excuse thing with age, I have also gotten better about understanding the differences between excuse and explanation.

  3. Liebchen says:

    Shannon – I like that rule. I’m not great at it, but I like it.

    Me too.

  4. freckledk says:

    Okay! I forgive you!

    Shhhh, no one was supposed to know.

  5. Sara says:

    “when you make a mistake, you should apologize and take immediate steps to correct it. No one can ever ask more of you than that” -my dad

    Good advice from Dad. I would add that when you have been aggrieved and someone issues the real apology you either accept or reject it, but either way you don’t get to stay mad for long enough to seek another.

  6. LiLu says:

    Aw. Have I told you I *heart* you lately?

    And is it sad that figuring out that template took me about 10 hours straight of work, and is probably the thing I am most proud of accomplishing in, well, a long time?

    You should be proud, it looks great, and given that this was Couch Weekend Ot 9 Vol I, what else did you have to do?

  7. f.B says:

    I definitely fall victim to confusing excuse with explanation. An apology that tries too hard might as well not be given. It’s a really fine line.

    (And big, big thanks for the mention.)

    We all do sometimes, but like G.I. Joe Says knowing is half the battle. And the link was my pleasure.

  8. Lisa says:

    We all occasionally fail at our own code of conduct – and a huge part of it is what you do then. Admitting you fucked up and apologizing makes you a very big person. It’s invaluable in a friend.

  9. Kristin says:

    I disappoint myself all the time. Way to try to make things right with yourself and someone else. And thanks for the nod today. (I’m wearing my coat, inside my apartment, as I type.)

  10. ella says:

    there is a quiet strength in the words, “i’m sorry.”

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