I sent an email to an acquaintance recently that closed with a crude paraphrase from the book All I Ever Really Needed to Know I learned in Kindergarten – “When you fuck up, saying you’re sorry is the first thing you need to do.”
It kinda sucks when you fail your own code of conduct.
I tell myself that it’s not often the real me that gets me in trouble; but that twelve year old awkward boy who still inhabits at least part of my soul – yeah, he’s a real pill. I am rarely harmed by the tweenager spirit that helps me find joy in the simple; but that boy who still hears echoes of rejection can scream with the voice of demons shouting down better angels.
It is that voice that urges me to seek, encourage and ultimately accept the affections of a woman even when I know I should not and creates the awkward where it need not exist. It is that voice who aids one day slipping to three or four before returning a call. It is that voice who argues the virtues of childish silence but misses the irony.
I’d love to lay all the blame at that little boy’s not yet grown into feet, to absolve my better self from blame; but I cannot. The boy is part and parcel of the larger man who bares responsibility and must make the apology.
I fucked up, and an apology is the least I can do.
You know it is Wednesday and I took my turn as contributing editor at DC Blogs. Go on check out that which moved me more than most this past week.
And here are a few links for blog posts I also was digging but couldn’t use in the round-up for whatever reason:
The DC Universe asks the question that should be on the mind of every Nats fan or DC taxpayer – WTF, Mayor Fenty? WTF, Ted Lerner?
Ken and Belly teach me something about small humans – the ability to play in snow is not inherent. Do not be fooled, I still want no spawn.
Slow Food has stopped eating Chesapeake Crabs, a choice I made a couple seasons ago. And it sucks. We need to get serious about protecting the bay.
And if you haven’t seen LiLu’s new look, what the hell is keeping you?