Ordinary Pain

“I wouldn’t wish that kind of love on my worst enemy.”

In a night spent with one of my favorite drinking companions and filled with conversations about tween angst, self-mutilation, Keynesian Economics, fidelity, and moral compasses, that quip about unordinary love was the one that rang the loudest note. 

Ordinary love is delightful, the bee’s knees, the berry’s razz, and all you could ever think you want.  It is those things and more until the moment the universe curses you with that first hit of instantly addictive unordinary love and suddenly ordinary love seems… ordinary.

This blog began because of the soul crushing need to tell someone, anyone about my heartbreak after I found and quickly lost an unordinary love.  I tried to write the story but even in retrospect the words failed me; I don’t think I got anywhere near describing my feelings.  When it’s you, your heartbreak you don’t think even Shakespeare could find the words to capture it.

I am an optimist, a fucking pathetic romantic, and yet even I wonder if I am better for knowing what unordinary love is.  I damn sure wouldn’t wish it on anyone else.


15 Responses to Ordinary Pain

  1. oh sugarbaby…ignorance is bliss…

  2. You only know what you’re missing once you find out it exists. We always covet that which will inevitably hurt us the most.
    Yeah, sometimes love sucks ass.

  3. Unordinary love is the death of people. I would know.

  4. ella says:

    i don’t ever want unordinary love again. i pray for the ordinary. i want the plain vanilla, boring, stable, steady, everyday love. i want to find everyone who’s been married for 50+ years learn their secrets. the unordinary is gut wrenching. the unordinary makes you drink scalding hot coffee because its the only thing that keeps the sobs from escaping. no thanks, not for me.

  5. LiLu says:

    But… but what if that unordinary love worked out?

    You don’t really believe that… the pathetic romantic will win out in the end.

  6. Julie says:

    Ahhh.. that’s the reason I started blogging again. The unordinary love that broke the girl who couldn’t be broken.

    The thing is? I don’t want ordinary love. I’m still holding out to find the unordinary again. That’s the shit that is worth it and I truly think we’re better for having lived it.

  7. laloca says:

    in my experience, unordinary love works best when you have ordinary love to balance it out. unordinary love is lightning-edged darkness; electric air that makes the hair at the nape of your neck stand up. ordinary love? warmth, banked passion, occasional cool spots. i don’t think i could stand one without the other for long.

  8. The Gamecock says:

    “The unordinary love that broke the girl who couldn’t be broken.”

    Julie (and Refugee), I feel your pain…and yet I’m still on the fence about whether I want it again or not. Four years have passed since a very special unordinary love (and its unfortunate end) sent me spiraling to the lowest low of my life. But it forces you to rebuild, to reevaluate everything you’ve ever believed to be true, and to ultimately decide what it is you truly value. Thanks to the hell of unordinary love, I am now stronger and more resilient than I ever believed possible, simply because I know how low I can go – and if one can emerge stronger from those depths, one finds that pain has only the power that we give it. Being hurt is no longer something I fear, and my life has since been richer for the things I’ve tried and failed.

    That being said, “ordinary love” is a nice idea, but I can’t imagine that it satisfies anyone who’s had the alternative. Unordinary love is worth every ounce of pain that comes with it…and once conquered, maybe we can more easily find “unordinary” in the ordinary. Who knows? I can’t wait to find out.

  9. f.B says:

    I don’t think there’d be much worth trying without the possibility of unordinary love.

  10. lacochran says:

    Once you go Muppet, you never go back.

  11. jo says:

    I think you might be missing a huge spectrum of loves in there between ordinary and unordinary. There’s more than just pain and mediocre, I promise.

  12. Lisa says:

    I dunno, my friend, I really do not know. I have given this topic, although not in these precise words, a lot of thought. And I have no wisdom and no thoughts on it that I’d admit to the world.

  13. kathleen says:

    pardon my simplicity, but even unordinary love turns ordinary… if you are among the lucky ones. it stays unordinary until comfort and warmth come into the picture. then it is ordinary, wonderful, magical, and you’re still lucky. love doesn’t have to hit you like a train. a butterfly still leaves an impression. being hit by a train makes it hard to feel the butterflies that land on your shoulder, but don’t ignore them.

  14. Sarah says:

    From one romantic to another…

    I’ve had ordinary love and I’ve had the one unordinary love. I have to believe (and I mean, I HAVE to, because otherwise, what’s the point?) that there’s a love out there that will make even the “unordinary” love seem ordinary.

  15. […] she know that it was unordinary for me? Am I really over her?  What was she thinking as she read?  Why do I care so much?  Will the […]

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