I Got Five on It Friday – Volume IV

31 October 2008

Five Favorite Words the Blogosphere Has Taught Me

  1. e-Panties
  2. Sextroverted – if you need me to define this, it doesn’t apply to you
  3. Metrmorons – indicative of the particular brand of stupid that afflicts certain people riding the Metro
  4. Procrastantives – blogs we read when we really should be working
  5. MutliSlacking – the art of performing multiple slacker activities at the same time

 

Five Favorite Search Engine Terms That Have Led People to My Little Slice of the Internet

  1. Right behind me with my pants around my ankles
  2. How to communicate with the uneducated
  3. Why dumb women are better than crazy women
  4. How to talk yourself out of getting laid
  5. My boyfriend is an emotional cripple

 

Five Things I Wish I could Do

  1. The Sunday NY Times Crossword
  2. Sing – I can’t carry a note with the help of forklift
  3. Draw better than the average kindergartener
  4. Beat Tony, my favorite homeless person, at chess
  5. Throw a Frisbee with any degree of accuracy

 

Five Things That Make My Life Better on a Daily Basis

  1. NPR
  2. French Press coffee
  3. Morning meditation
  4. A good cigar
  5. Leaving the stereo playing a song that I want in my head as I walk out the door

 

Five Favorite Song Lyrics

  1. I could sit and hear you talk about nothing just to watch your lips moveNikki & Ira Gonzales, from their first Album
  2. And when you stand before the candles on a cake, oh let me be the one to hear the silent wish you make – Alan & Marilyn Bergman lyrics; performed by numerous jazz vocalists but the Chris Botti / Sting duet is my favorite
  3. Ain’t nothing worse than rejection, I’d feel a little better if you slapped my face – 777-9311, written and produced by Prince, vocals by Morris Day of the Time
  4. The girls I knew had sad and sullen gray faces / With distant gay traces / That used to be there you could see where they’d been washed away / By too many through the day… / Twelve o’clock tales. – written by Billy Strahorn, performed by many but the only version you ever need to hear is the Coltrane & Johnny Hartman duet
  5. The new girl at the counter was cute, not as fine as me / Was this some kind of women’s intuition, some kind of insecurity / Nah, cause my man is happy at home lovin’ me exclusively / So I shook my head, “What’s up?”  / “Hello,” she smiled as she rung me up / Orange juice $3.29, Croissants $4.85 / She sniffed, Butter 89 cents / She sniffed, Strawberries $1.50 a pint / She sniffed, and sniffed, and sniffed, and sniffed again 
    And then replied, “Raheem, right?” / Right!?! 
    Jill Scott, Exclusively, from the album Who Is Jill Scott?: Words and Sounds, Vol. 1 

 

Five Types of People I Think Belong on an Island unto Themselves

  1. People who sit on their horn in a traffic jam – yes, that noise is surely going to make all cars clear a path for you
  2. People who wait until they are at the counter of a coffee shop before deciding what they want – seriously?  Like you couldn’t have used the five minutes in the queue to decide to get the same fucking drink you always get?
  3. People who use the word “literally” inappropriately
  4. People who are under the delusion that snapping of fingers is an appropriate way to get a bartender’s attention
  5. People who want to have a beer with their president

 

 

Five Things I hope to Do This Weekend

  1. Go to sleep before 3am
  2. Avoid referencing Halloween as the holiday “that encourages/allows women to embrace their inner whore” more than twice
  3. Write a letter – actually drag a pen across paper to communicate
  4. Write a letter to the editor regarding how impossibly stupid it is that we trust the internet with the entirety of our nation’s financial system, yet online voting is somehow beyond our grasp
  5. Help Barack Obama win the state of Virginia

 

 

Inspired by my Favorite Blonde, Final Words I would use as my safe word

  1. Xenobiotic
  2. Longhorn
  3. Cioppinio
  4. Orangutan
  5. Cashmere
  6. Kaleidoscope