The Refugee Plays Bookie

Inspired by the last line of this post from my new virtual friend from the Back Bay wherein she wonders if her date from an on-line dating site will be “wayyyy uglier than in his pics,” I am opening the world’s first gambling window for online dating. All bets must be placed at least 12 hours before the date.

The Current Lines/Odds:

Woman Dating a Man:
He is uglier than Pictures – 3 to 4
He is shorter than he claims – 2 to 1
Over/Under on the height difference – 1.5 inches
He is only capable of being funny in print – 3 to 1
He is actually married or otherwise coupled 4 to 1
He asks you to split the check – 6 to 5 and pick em’
If he is wearing a hat in at least one of his pictures, he has a severely receding hairline not reflected in other pictures – 3 to 1
If anywhere in his profile he indicates that he “looks younger than his age”, he is at least five years older than he told you – 3 to 1
Virtual chemistry doesn’t translate to actual chemistry even if physical is there – 4 to 1
That he will be late – 2 to 1
That he swallowed the person in his pictures (the camera lost a 100+ pounds) – 8 to 1
If any of his messages contained text message speak, that he will verbalize “LOL” at least once – 6 to 1
That he will be wearing khakis – 4 to 5 (applies only to city dates, please email for the line on suburban dates)
Will try to get into your pants on the first night – the betting is closed.

Man Dating a Woman:
She is uglier than her pictures – 2 to 1
She had at least one shot of booze before you got there to go through with it 4 to 1
That she has a friend/safety valve calling after 30 minutes – 3 to 4
That she has already named at least one of your future children – 3 to 1
You asked for drinks and she changed it to coffee, the chances of actual chemistry – 7 to 1
All of her pictures are facial close-ups or shot with her standing to the side, the chances that she is substantially larger than you think – 3 to 4
She will be late – 4 to 1
That she would prefer to have gone some place besides the place you suggested – 2 to 1
That she is a closeted vegan teetotaler (oh, wait that’s only happens to me) – 100 to 1
That she actually remembered her sick aunt in the hospital after minute 15 – the betting is closed

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8 Responses to The Refugee Plays Bookie

  1. Julie says:

    Hahaha – oh my good god. At this point I should just e-mail him and cancel.

  2. Fearless says:

    What are the odds that he will be a woman trapped in a man’s body?

  3. zipcode says:

    This is hilarious – great post

  4. Shannon says:

    How about the odds that he’ll say, “I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body,” and actually believe that’s a witty and original statement?

  5. Kevin says:

    These are priceless. Just went on a first date last night and had a great time.

    The one about facial close-ups was a hard, fast lesson I learned early on. Only having pics like this is an almost automatic disqualifier. Now I don’t have a marathon runner’s physique, more of a Clydesdale in fact. But at least I have a good picture showing that so an informed decision can be made.

  6. Lisa says:

    Having had a ton of internet dates, what I found was that most guys under 6′ tall lied about height. Only one that I know of lied about age. One guy had scary teeth, and you couldn’t tell from far-away pics. Probably most were wearing khakis – but that bothers you more than me. Mostly they were either duller, more awkward, or crazier than they seemed like they were going to be.

  7. brookem says:

    ha, i love it.
    my last online date turned out pretty equal to all that he represented online. damn good HOH too.

    ps- still need to do your tag, im on it.

  8. kjohnsonesq says:

    You owe me a new office chair. And a skirt, tights, and undies. Because I just peed from laughing so hard.

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