The Refugee Plays Bookie

29 October 2008

Inspired by the last line of this post from my new virtual friend from the Back Bay wherein she wonders if her date from an on-line dating site will be “wayyyy uglier than in his pics,” I am opening the world’s first gambling window for online dating. All bets must be placed at least 12 hours before the date.

The Current Lines/Odds:

Woman Dating a Man:
He is uglier than Pictures – 3 to 4
He is shorter than he claims – 2 to 1
Over/Under on the height difference – 1.5 inches
He is only capable of being funny in print – 3 to 1
He is actually married or otherwise coupled 4 to 1
He asks you to split the check – 6 to 5 and pick em’
If he is wearing a hat in at least one of his pictures, he has a severely receding hairline not reflected in other pictures – 3 to 1
If anywhere in his profile he indicates that he “looks younger than his age”, he is at least five years older than he told you – 3 to 1
Virtual chemistry doesn’t translate to actual chemistry even if physical is there – 4 to 1
That he will be late – 2 to 1
That he swallowed the person in his pictures (the camera lost a 100+ pounds) – 8 to 1
If any of his messages contained text message speak, that he will verbalize “LOL” at least once – 6 to 1
That he will be wearing khakis – 4 to 5 (applies only to city dates, please email for the line on suburban dates)
Will try to get into your pants on the first night – the betting is closed.

Man Dating a Woman:
She is uglier than her pictures – 2 to 1
She had at least one shot of booze before you got there to go through with it 4 to 1
That she has a friend/safety valve calling after 30 minutes – 3 to 4
That she has already named at least one of your future children – 3 to 1
You asked for drinks and she changed it to coffee, the chances of actual chemistry – 7 to 1
All of her pictures are facial close-ups or shot with her standing to the side, the chances that she is substantially larger than you think – 3 to 4
She will be late – 4 to 1
That she would prefer to have gone some place besides the place you suggested – 2 to 1
That she is a closeted vegan teetotaler (oh, wait that’s only happens to me) – 100 to 1
That she actually remembered her sick aunt in the hospital after minute 15 – the betting is closed