Five Albums I would use to explain Hip-Hop to an extraterrestrial:
- Raising Hell, 1986, Run DMC
- Bizarre Ride II the Pharcyde, 1992, Pharcyde
- Da Chronic, 1992, Dr. Dre and a cast of guest rappers
- It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back, 1988, Public Enemy
- Paid in Full, 1987, Eric B & Rakim
Five Restaurants in this country which are on seemingly everyone’s Best of List but I think are overrated*:
- The French Laundry
- Charlie Trotters
- Any joint owned by Wolfgang Puck – and, yes, The Source, I am especially talking about you.
Five things about a woman I find incredibly sexy but most do not:
- A well used library card is hot – really hot.
- A well shaped collar bone – I know, I never pretended to be normal
- The wearing of a good watch – any good watch besides a Rolex; a Rolex screams new money and pretense. Extra sexy points awarded in my mind if said watch is a gentleman’s watch and worn well.
- A collection of vinyl – records not wardrobe though the latter can be sexy too.
- A facility for useless trivia – not that I have any shortage of useless knowledge crammed into my head, but back-up is always welcome
Five truly unconnected thoughts that have crossed my mind lately
- The Dodgers should never have left Brooklyn
- Drinking a RedBull and anything is a very strong indication that I would not want your company at the bar.
- Harry Connick Jr. was at his best when he was trying to be Frank Sinatra; sadly, he sucked at singing as HCJ.
- Message in a Bottle is one of my “break glass in case of emergent need to end bad mood” songs.
- The brunette who keeps looking over my should (as I am writing this in a bar) is a bit annoying though I admit that I would be less annoyed and more interested if I found her attractive.
Five things I plan to accomplish this weekend
- Get laid – totally not within my control, but if I didn’t place it on the list I would be lying.
- Pack clothes for the next 10 days – I am suspending my life to go work on the Obama campaign until Election Day.
- Write something for the screenplay I am convinced lives inside my head.
- Run a five minute mile – I haven’t done it in several years, nor have I tried; but this is the weekend to give it a go.
- Use the block of preserved Foie Gras that has been in my refrigerator for three months.
- Land a new client – also not within my control, but I am hopeful about a scheduled meeting.
Five things that may seem like luxuries but I will not be cutting from my life and will encourage others not to cut*.
- The bi-annual pedicure – while there are plenty of women who have their feet massaged, scrubbed, and generally beautified more often than twice a year, I consider it imperative for gentleman to indulge in this procedure every six months. I lack the vocabulary to properly articulate the mental benefits of blowing $30 on this. Gentleman, please just trust me on this.
- Not ordering rail drinks – the extra dollar is always worth it – you’ll thank me in the morning.
- The Sunday NY Times – 5 bones for a newspaper might seem a bit extravagant, but the NY Times does one thing better than any other newspaper in the world – it’s the NY Times.
- Tipping – if you cannot afford to tip well, you cannot afford to dine out, or go for drinks.
- Good clothing – it might seem like a good idea to buy inexpensive clothing, but it really does not save money in the log run.
Five political parting thoughts
- If you don’t vote, besides sucking an immeasurable amount of ass, you also have no right to complain about any-thing
- I have never questioned the patriotism of John McCain, but selecting Sarah Palin to be within a heartbeat from the presidency is a singular act of anti-patriotism.
- I have served drinks to many of the candidates for our nation’s highest office. Despite my ideological differences with him, Ron Paul was by far the coolest among them.
- The hypocrisy of Gov. Sarah Palin’s wardrobe is not insignificant and I am quite comfortable issuing that declaration without the passion or prejudice of my political beliefs.
- I miss Adlai Stevenson, the leadership of Lloyd Bentsen, the brilliance of Ted Sorenson’s words, and the John McCain of 2000.
* I have dined at each of these restaurants and found them all lacking in some substantial regard, and at their respective price points, dinner ought to leave me feeling like I had a culinary happy ending and none of them did.