One Ex, Two Ex, Three Ex’s, Four?

In a move of management brilliance, my local market has been “reorganized and refreshed.”  I can’t find things and neither can the formally very helpful clerks.  One afternoon I am helplessly cruising the aisles in an effort to find the last item on my list – I think it was aluminum foil – when I run into Rachel, the first woman I dated after grad school.  She and I remained friends over the years – the occasional dalliance aside.  She is married now; had I been a more attracted to her, she might have been married to me.  It was always a pleasure to see Rachel.


Walking from the market I run into PLA, not terribly shocking given that this market has the closest common denominators of quality and value for both of us.  We chat for a bit.  She peeks in my tote and flirtatiously but not seriously asks what time she should arrive for dinner.  We ended without clear reason.  There was no crystallizing moment, just a realization that we both wanted love and we weren’t in it.


The next day I passed Tina at a hipster coffeeshop.  Tina and I went on two dates, if you count the booze fueled night after a softball game as one.  We had danced around each other for some time while one or both of us dated other people.  The first night adrenaline, opportunity, availability, and alcohol intersected and we found ourselves making-out like teenagers in the darkened corner of a beer soaked, flip cup playing bar.  She arrived for our first real date wearing a skirt and a wife-beater tank – perfect for pub crawling not so good for the restaurant where we dined.  Did we stop dating because she was underdressed, no; but it was the first part of an evening that collapsed under expectations.


Crossing paths with three ex’s in 24 hours got me wondering about the reasons I stopped dating people particularly the superfluous reasons.  After a mostly thorough inventory of dates and relationships past, here are some of my favorite, more unusual reasons.


One inch high English block lettered tattoo “Built for Speed” across the small of her back – laughing when naked can be good, laughing at a woman when naked not so much.

Using the word “conversate” without a hint of irony – not the last time my language snobbery would keep me from getting laid

Admiration for Clarence Thomas – I can date across the aisle but all things have limits

Having four cats named after each of the Charmed Ones – it wasn’t just my allergies that sent me running

A Barbie doll collection… kept under glass – everyone has their passions; I wish I had a better explanation for why this one sent me fleeing

Failure to send a thank you of any kind after attending one of my dinner parties – manners matter to me



What unusual moments, issues, differences have felled budding interactions for you?


9 Responses to One Ex, Two Ex, Three Ex’s, Four?

  1. LivitLuvit says:

    Some jerk tried to make out with me on the steps of a church at midnight within 2 hours of meeting me- oh wait- I live with him now.

    I do love that story.

  2. Shannon says:

    A tramp stamp that said, “Built for Speed” is completely charming and classy. I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

    Tramp stamp would imply smaller in size than this was.

  3. Lemmonex says:

    You told me you LIKED my tattoo.

    I have a need, RR. A need for speed.

    Lemm, I said they were English Block Letters, not Jailhouse Script.

  4. freckledk says:

    I keep my Hummel collection under glass, along with the skeletons of the squirrels I’ve caught over the years.

  5. littlemsblogger says:

    I couldn’t stop laughing at the “Charmed Ones” comment….Really? Seriously?

    OMG…just imagine if she had kids and what they’d be named after…..

  6. Kristin says:

    One ex wanted talk on the phone, about nothing at all, for at least an hour a day. Every day. Not only did I feel like I was dating a 13-year-old girl, he didn’t listen to a thing I said.

    “My sister fears for her life with this whole tenant thing.”

    “That’s nice… I think I’m going to pick up some ice cream.”


  7. Shannon says:

    Oh, man, Kristin, endless phone chat makes me run away too. It’s such a peeve of mine!

  8. Brett says:

    All the same guy, who then KISSED ME when i went to hug him at the end of the night:
    “Have you read Atlas Shrugged? I’m a really big fan of Ayn Rand.”

    “I decided. I think you want to see me again.”

    “That’s the most impressive thing you’ve said so far.” (ugh)

    Other red flags I should’ve caught: a guy who tried on my jeans to prove they were unisex, one who painted flying toasters on his wall “just because,” and, oh yeah, ones that live in Europe. Oops.

  9. kjohnsonesq says:

    What’s wrong with naming your cats after a TV show? Mine are named Dawson, Pacey, Joey, Jen, Jack, Andie, Mitch, Gail, Grams, and The Blonde Girl From The College Years Who Shagged Everybody.

    Wow. I did that from memory, too. Scary.

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