Are Women Crazy & Men Dumb – Or Just Uneducated?

Women are crazy and Doods are Dumb – an exaggerated statement from my friend LivLuv, but how exaggerated?  Her post was funny and pithy and tinged with truth, and explicitly invited response from the male side of the blogosphere (I strongly encourage reading her post before continuing not just because this will make more sense but because, like I said, it is pithy and funny.)  I wish I had it in me to respond in kind but a more serious part of my brain is in charge at the moment.

 

The big reason that women are crazy and men are dumb is that most of us have never learned how to have a healthy romantic relationship.  That we humans are able to overpopulate the earth is sheer genetic instinct and dumb fucking luck.

 

When did you learn to be one part of a relationship?  On the job training doesn’t count. 

 

Most people receive their relationship training though a series of trial and error dalliances – negative learning.   Learning that a particular behavior does not result in whatever preconceived notion of relationship success we might have in our heads.  Did you learn through watching your parents?  For those of us fortunate enough to have two parents, as a child, you are never truly privy to the inner workings of your parent’s relationship.  If your parents lacked the common sense or modesty to have some conversations away from your cherubic eyes and ears, was that really the healthy relationship you wish to emulate?

 

No reasonable person would suggest we learn by watching/reading/listening to contemporary media – a soft core slurpee of dysfunctional relationships if ever there was one.    

 

Did you learn from watching your friends’ relationships?  At best a situation similar to watching parental units, at worst this method is more negative learning.

 

When did you learn?

 

How to communicate, what to communicate, and when to communicate it

How to have a fair fight; knowing that arguments will come there may be no more important long-term relationship skill

How to merge lives previously spent apart

The most basic of all relationship skills – identifying that which you want in a partner

How to make decisions with the interests of someone else being more important than you own

The point at which their interests can / should become equal and occasionally more important than your own

 

Because we make our way in the romantic world pinballing through interactions gathering kernels of knowledge (sometimes negatively learned, occasionally positively acquired) sometimes women are crazy because they have adapted to a hostile environment and built protective systems.  Sometimes men are dumb because we have never learned or tried to learn how to behave in relationships as our goals were more short term.

 

LivLuv’s premise that a great relationship is one where he understands her particular crazy and she gets his brand of dumb is sound, and funny.  I would add that there is some homework we all need to complete to aid with that process.

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8 Responses to Are Women Crazy & Men Dumb – Or Just Uneducated?

  1. Adulthood and maturity go a long ways to achieving the type of relationship you desire/describe. The challenge is for both parties to be at the same level of maturity. Once you have that. . . you’re golden. Being married to my husband is the easiest thing in my life and the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I thank God everyday that I found him – my soul mate – with the same level of maturity.

  2. Lemmonex says:

    The big reason that women are crazy and men are dumb is that most of us have never learned how to have a healthy romantic relationship.

    I think most of us have not learned to have ANY kind of healthy relationship. We have dysfunctional relationships with parents, complicated relationships with friends and a whole tangle of other kinds of relationships. This permeates everything.

  3. LivitLuvit says:

    Being married to my husband is the easiest thing in my life and the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

    This gives me such hope that it could really be that way! All you ever hear about it how difficult marriage is- I understand that it is and should be hard work, but I always had a sneaking suspicion that it should also be as Nothing Fancy describes.

    Thanks, Refugee, for the yin to my yang.

  4. kjohnsonesq says:

    Sometimes women are crazy because they have adapted to a hostile environment and built protective systems.

    So utterly true. But can’t it also be said of men?

  5. Angela says:

    this is all interesting… i don’t really do crazy. I believe that the key to a successful relationship is giving. That both parties should just treat each other as one of the most important things in their lives. Show them the other you are happy when they walk in the door, and understand when they are feeling down. Always give the other the benefit of the doubt, and do your best to treat your significant other as well as you would your most important guest. Treating someone with love, respect, and empathy can’t go all wrong. And if, over time, they treat you horribly, you respectfully leave the situation.

    Also… i should add, being open and honest about feelings throughout .. I am always surprised when people don’t express themselves… and don’t ask what someone else is thinking or feeling if they think something is wrong. i ask a lot of questions.. and i put myself out there 100% as well.

    i guess if i DO have a kind of crazy, it would be enjoying a lot of attention. but i have come to grips with the fact that everyone doesn’t dish out as much as i like to receive.

  6. Kristin says:

    I find it a wonder that anyone gets together, much less stays together.

  7. […] reading Zandria’s recent post, and reinforced by LivitLuvit and Restaurant Refugee’s posts demonstrating the palpable confusion surrounding communicative styles between males and […]

  8. […] Dudes are dumb. I’ve said it, Refugee’s said it… while we have to consider the possibility that this may be a case of […]

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