Instructions to Avoid Getting Laid

“I’m more of a ‘post-feminist’ feminist” the Lightly Bible Thumping Blonde to my left explained as we watched the U.S. Men’s Beach Volleyball team getting all they could handle from the Germans.


She made this quizzical comment in response to her Mostly Conversationally Challenged Companion’s complaint that “If the women play in bikinis, at least the men could play shirtless.” 


Sometimes I go to bars seeking this type of provocative conversation, sometimes I just want to watch the game or read a newspaper or smoke a cigar, and sometimes I wouldn’t mind some company for the rest of the night.  Last night might have been a mélange of all of those desires, but mostly it was about watching the game. SBTB had made it clear, however, that all options were available.


“What does that mean – a ‘post-feminist’ feminist?” I asked, knowing full well that her answer might eliminate the option directly involving her for the evening.


“It means that I am all about equality, but I am not going to care that the women play in bikinis and the men in shorts and shirts.”


(Mouth, this is Central Command.  Steady.  You are not the crusader for all things righteous.  You are instructed to change subject; alter conversational trajectory and return to Ready Mode.) 


“Oh my God, did you catch the angle on that shot?”


“I just don’t understand the big deal.  Sex sells. Those women just need to relax and enjoy it.”


(Mouth, this is Central Command.  You are instructed to Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.  Occupy pie-hole with drink.  Response is not permitted.  Threat Level is Elevated, but Situation still manageable.)


“If feminists want something to be upset about, we should be upset about how Title IX paints women as victims like affirmative action does for minorities.”


(Mouth, this Central Command.  Situation is no longer tenable for eventual landing.  You have a green light for proportional response.  Fire at will)


“If you really believed in equality, you would understand that the objectification of women is patently against the Olympic ideal.  Wearing bikini’s serves no useful athletic purpose.  If skin tight and revealing clothes made you play volleyball better, then the men would be outfitted in Lycra bodysuits if it would help them win.  This is a matter of sexualization, and that ain’t equality.


“And I would be happy to discuss the virtues of Title IX, Victimization, Minorities, and the implied subtext of your “relax and enjoy it” comment, but I have an early morning and must get some sleep.  Ladies, have a good evening.”


p.s. Thanks to all of you who wandered over from DC Blogs.  I would encourage you consider entering the Worst Date Ever Blog Contest we are hosting.  Turn a bad date into free dinner and good booze – clearly a win win.


15 Responses to Instructions to Avoid Getting Laid

  1. freckledk says:

    Does a post-feminist Feminist shave their legs, I wonder?

    All that was missing from that was a proper schooling in the merits of Ebonics. Where’s a ball gag when you need one?

    The saving grace was that the Volleyball match ended right before I had to leave.

  2. Shannon says:

    I bet a post-feminist feminist does shave her legs, because stubble would prevent her from being able to “relax and enjoy” unwelcome sexual attention.

    If she weren’t so superficially attractive, that comment would have made think she was Bobby Knight in drag.

  3. kjohnsonesq says:

    Post-feminist Feminist?
    Only in DC.
    I’m just sayin.

    The only in DC part is someone misappropriating a legitimate term for illicit uses.

  4. Lemmonex says:

    As a former Women’s Studies major, I could have a heated debate about this. I actually know what I am talking about.

    I never do, though. People like that are not worth my time.

    While my knowledge on the subject is not as expansive as yours, I too could have dropped a few more choice thoughts on the matter. Like you, though, I also made that “not worth my time” decision.

  5. The best advice i ever got was:
    listen less…
    it makes you seem mysterious..AND you get to figure out if the other person is worth the time…

  6. LivitLuvit says:

    Bush seems to like it. Ref, why can’t you just “lie back and enjoy” the conversation?

    Oh yeah… because there was only 200 IQ points between the three of you… and you were hogging most of them.

  7. OhMyHeart says:

    Once a boy I was on a date with asked me if I were a feminist. Thinking saying otherwise would scare him off, I said “no, not really.” And then he launched into his story of how he used to work for the feminist movement in Oregon (or something like that) and how feminism is misunderstood and it’s just the insistence of equality between men and women in rights, the workforce, and society in general.

    The point of the story is, she probably was trying to act as appealing as possible, and the stereotypical (ahem, commenters) hairy-legged vision of a feminist is less-than-appealing to most men.

  8. Shannon says:

    OhMyHeart…we were mocking the stereotypes that people have about feminism, not feminism itself. I doubt any of the commenters here equate stubble with genuine beliefs.

    And if the woman Refugee met does mental contortions in order to make herself “more appealing to men,” then I weep for her. Confidence and authenticity are far more attractive. Hell, I tell men I’m a feminist divorcee with a surplus of opinions and a neurotic streak. Hasn’t hurt me a bit.

  9. Marissa says:

    Although it’s unpopular to think LOGICALLY nowadays, perhaps the reason the ladies of beach volleyball wear bikinis is because THEY’RE ON THE BEACH. IT’S HOT. THEY’RE ON THE BEACH. WITH SAND.

    I feel sorry for the guys, actually. They probably sweat in all sorts of places. If I were them, I’d certainly petition to wear an old-school Speedo. They should start a movement for this unfair treatment.

    Actually, the Pro Volleyball Tour mandates that women wear bikinis. They even specify that the bikini can be no more than a certain width at the hip. Further, I stand behind the argument that no athletic purpose is served by this attire. If it provides a competive advantage, I am sure that the men would be wearing the same skimpy get-up as their Olympic diving teammates, or Waterpolo, or don’t make me keep going.

  10. Marissa says:

    In Wimbledon, all the players must wear white. Does that help their game?

    They’re on a beach in beach volleyball! Perhaps, it’s just another tradition, which doesn’t necessarily have sexist motivations behind it — men wear swim trunks on beaches, women wear bikinis.

  11. Suzanne says:

    Wow and post-post-feminist blonde was so clearly broadcasting she wanted to get laid. And maybe even with a little light bikini bondage to pass the time. To bad it backfired on her.

    I’m still into the Camille Paglia post-feminist sex-is-power kinda thing — keep my principals and still not have to wear a bikini in Olympic volley ball if it interferes with my serve.

    Kinda reminds one of Ginger Rogers — she could do everything Fred Astaire did, just backwards and in high heels.

  12. Sara says:

    I guess I’m a ranch-post-post-feminist (or would that be a fencepost-feminist?), because I both work so hard, I’m too tired to even think about sexual overtones!

    I haven’t heard the “relax and enjoy it” phrase rolled out since good ‘ol Clayton Williams ran for gubner here in Texas.

  13. […] “Refugee, we met one night at your normal watering hole watching the Olympics, I’m the Lightly Bible Thumpi….” […]

  14. […] especially not when the unstated objective of that conversation is to charm a woman.  There exists some anecdotal evidence to the contrary, but I swear on a stack of bacon that I never intend for that to […]

  15. […] went against my usual find-away-to-confront-discomfort tendencies but my response wasn’t calculated… just the instinctual reaction of a fatigue addled […]

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