I Know, I Wish – Volume III

16 June 2011

The third part of the occasional and almost entirely navel-gazing I Know, I Wish series – (part I, part II for reference.)

I know that the space between giving space and giving up is narrow but deep; I wish that it wasn’t also filled with water I must tread while wearing emotional lead boots.

I know that the disease steals more of you with every passing minute; I wish that I wasn’t so selfish in my reaction to the pain.

I know that our friendship is over; I wish I cared more about it ending than getting the last word.

I know that fidelity has never been high on your list of relationship priorities; I wish that you would stop making me complicit in the process.

I know that spending too much time on my high horse is a character flaw; I wish I didn’t like the view from there so much.

I know that it would be the height of irresponsibility and selfishness, but I wish that the fantasy of running away from this life didn’t hold quite so much appeal.

I know that intellectual and emotional reactions must be measured for appropriate response to stimuli; I wish that past prejudices didn’t have a thumb on the scale.

I know that choosing my battles is a sign of maturity; I wish that I didn’t use that as an excuse so often.

I know that grief, loss, and recovery all have stages; I wish that acknowledging them would make them go faster.

5 Comments | I know I wish, One that might have been something, open letters | Permalink
Posted by restaurant refugee

I Know, I Wish Volume II

8 November 2009

I know that it would be wrong, but every time I see your car taking two spaces in the parking lot, I wish I could let the air out of your tires, you entitled prick.

I know that I have too many reasons to dislike you; I wish that I didn’t still find you so attractive.

I know that I put up a great front, but I wish that it wasn’t so frequently used to mask soul shaking doubts.

I know that we used to be friends; I wish I knew what happened to us and I had the courage to ask you.

I know better than to communicate through a blog; I wish I didn’t really want to identify the subjects of the previous few lines.

I know that you’re gonna burn in hell for what you did to me; I wish that you hadn’t also robbed me of the belief in hell below and heaven above.

I know that my best days are always ahead of me; but I wish I wasn’t so wistful about years long gone.

I know that our marriage was as good of an idea as playing with matches while standing in a gasoline puddle; I still wish that we hadn’t given up quite so easily.

I know that rapid problem solving is among my greatest strengths; I wish I could direct that skill inwards.

I know that you’re in a loveless, soulless, suburban marriage that drains you with each day; I wish that you didn’t use me as an escapist excuse to indulge your inner-city-boy.

I know that you know the broad-strokes if not the details; I wish that your girlfriend would stop making a fool out of you by taking you to the scene of her crimes.

*******

I Know, I Wish Volume I

6 Comments | advice I'm slightly qualified to give, crush with a little c, dating, dumb things I have done, I know I wish | Permalink
Posted by restaurant refugee

I Know / I Wish

19 September 2009

I know your boyfriend is an asshole and I haven’t even met him yet.  I wish I knew you well enough to say.

I know you don’t like me and that I wouldn’t trust you to make oxygen into carbon dioxide.  I wish that you would stop pretending.

I know that we’re back on friendly terms, can bend an elbow together even, but I’ll never be with you again.  I do wish that I could bottle that look from the first time I rejected you.

I know that you and your fiancé are happily ensconced in your life and you know that I love both you and her.  I do wish that you and I still had our great friendship.

I know that you mostly mean well when you keep offering me that gig.  I wish that I could take you seriously.

I know that you’re married and I am no threat to you, your husband, or your marriage.  I do wish I didn’t enjoy being around you quite so much.

I know that you’ve loved me since before I was born.  I wish you didn’t have such a fucked up way of showing it.

I know you’ve been sober for five years now and your sobriety is more important than our friendship.  I wish the two weren’t mutually exclusive.

I know that you’re a gentleman and a stand up guy.  I wish you hadn’t placed me in a position that asked me not to be too.

I know that I am a deeply flawed man.  I wish I spent more time trying to fix the fixable flaws and made less excuses to place flaws in the non-fixable column.

12 Comments | advice I'm slightly qualified to give, blogging life, crush with a little c, dumb things I have done, entertaining, I know I wish, random stuff, sucks to write this, the social contract | Permalink
Posted by restaurant refugee

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