I’ve Got Five on it Friday – Volume IIX

30 April 2010

I found on old journal today… old in the sense that I hadn’t written in it or seen it for at least a year, but it was hardly full.  It was a journal that I purchased one day because I was too snobbish to write on  drugstore paper, so I went to a bookstore to buy a journal that I promptly forgot that I had used.  What follows is the mostly completed post I found on its pages,

Five things I am almost positive you don’t know/wouldn’t suspect about me

  1. Once every few weeks I get a half-smoke from a DC street vendor, and I love it.
  2. I own a pair of overalls and I love wearing them every so often.
  3. I took the SAT’s for other people when I was in high school to make some extra cash
  4. Among the first things I notice about a woman are her eyelashes… but almost never before her shoes.
  5. I used to have a serious lead foot but the worst speeding ticket I ever received really wasn’t me… 120mph in a 65 zone.

Five things I really miss

  1. The simple elegance of Victoria’s Secret negligees from the 90s and early aughts
  2. The music of Sheila E. (not for nothing, but this link demonstrates her brilliance as a drummer and will make anyone old enough to remember to remember the song Glamorous Life just a bit wistfull.)
  3. A full box of Girl Scout Cookies… this may or may not be something that could not have been included on this list earlier this evening.
  4. Women like Rita Hayworth who could make removing an opera glove look like a striptease.
  5. Aroma Co. – R.I.P. to my favorite bar

Five Truisms of Online Dating That I Haven’t Previously Mentioned

  1. Women who have Hot, Princess, Queen, Sexy, any of their derivatives, or any other over the top self-aggrandizement contained in their screen name are rarely worth the effort.
  2. Randomly coming across your ex-spouse’s profile will induce vomit in the mouth… or is that just me?
  3. Women with more than one cat in their profile pictures are… women with more than one cat in their profile pictures.
  4. Anyone who uses the mind-numbingly overused cliché “work hard, play hard/er” is 3.67 times more likely to be a tool.
  5. Having done it for longer than most of the people who read this space have been able to legally drive, vote, or drink, I am pretty sure it is a complete and utter waste of time… but I cannot stop the eternal optimist in me from continuing to participate.

Five Tweets that have singularly made my Experiment with Twitter completely worth it

  1. @LexaLemmy – Him: wanna come to my place? Me: we met 30 minutes ago! Him: so your place? Me: I am a fucking lady!
  2. @PaigeWrites – I long for the day when I can highlight a comment in an email and designate it be shown in sarcastic font.
  3. @caradox: – All I asked Google was: “Explain the Republican strategy today.” Sorry for crashing the Internet.
  4. @suicide_blond – my car isn’t nearly as fast as my credit card… 0 to 6k in 2.2 seconds xoxo
  5. @postsecret – Today’s Email: “My soul-mate is a hardcore Yankee’s fan… I’m still single.”

Under the heading of insomnia making beautiful bedfellows: Over a 3am g-chat,  I asked my e-friend and unmitigated blog crush, Not That Kind of Girl, to ask me five questions to complete this installment.

  1. What is the one piece of literature you most wish you could have written? – anything from The Bard but most especially Sonnet 116 if only so that I could have known a love so deep that it inspired a definition of the subject.
  2. What is the most erotic word? – my name spoken by the right woman
  3. What is a smell with powerful associations to you that no one else in the world would recognize? – I am not sure that no one else would recognize it but the 1920s version of Channel perfume.
  4. Who has it pained you most to lose sympathy for? – probably Jessie Jackson.  When I was a young black child in the late 70s early 80s he was a hero of mine.  As an adult in the 90s, through the aughts, and to today, I am left with nothing but anger that the main stream media keeps giving him a microphone because of the assumption that he speaks for black people.  And even more angered that the most dangerous place is between him and a microphone.
  5. With whom do most frequently you have imaginary conversations? – myself.  I talk to myself more than anyone would guess.

      Previous editions of I’ve Got Five on it Fridays:

      Not Quite Five on It but I Include It Anyway

      The Official Volume I

      Also Not Quite a Five on It but I Include It Anyway

      Apparently I Don’t Count So Well Because This is Volume III

      Volume IV – Just Go with the Wacky Counting

      Volume V – In for a Poorly Counted Penny, In for a Miscounted Pound

      Volume VI – I suppose I could just correct it at this point, but this is more fun

      Volume VII – just  go with it

      9 Comments | advice I'm slightly qualified to give, I Got Five on It Friday | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

      Fill In the Blank Friday Volume – I Stopped Counting

      23 October 2009

      All comments in brackets [are to be interpreted as options from which you may select one choice or opt for your own choice.]

      1. If I could get all [men, women] on the planet to _______________ for just one day, I would be a happy blogtart.
      2. If I could make everyone in [my family, circle of friends, company, city, or the human race] read one blog post, it would be _______________ because it really made me _______________.
      3. It may no longer be age appropriate, but I wish I could [occasionally, frequently, always] _______________ like I did when I was a kid.
      4. I know it has some redemptive qualities; but if I could remove the _______________ technological advancement from history, I would do it in a second.
      5. According to Verve.com, the five best date movies of all time (from 5 to 1) are Barberella, To Have and to Have Not, Say Anything, Casablanca, and Some Like It Hot.  I really think that _______________ should have made the list.
      6. Speaking of Movies… if a potential suitor didn’t [like, love, cry during] the movie _______________, it would be a large red flag.
      7. If you want to ask me to do something difficult, asking with a _______________ in your hand would be a very good start*.
      8. I don’t know _______________, but I have an [intellectual, blog, purely platonic] crush on him/her that just won’t quit.
      9. Paraphrasing and with apologies to James Lipton, if I wasn’t a _______________ (feel free to omit this part if it would compromise your anonymity,) the occupation I would most like to try is _______________*.
      10. If I could direct every new reader of my blog to _______________ post, it would go a long way towards explaining [my sense of humor, why I started blogging, my sensibilities, or _______________.]
      11. If you would have told me _______________ years ago that I would be _______________ today, I would have laughed in your face; but I surely am/have.
      12. I love the space after the _______________ but before the _______________ *.
      13. We all have better angels and lesser demons whispering in our ears.  At the moment, the angels on my [left, right] shoulder are saying _______________, while the lesser demons on my [right. Left] soldier are saying _______________.

      * Cribbed, in whole or in part, from the following prior posts:

      Superfluous Friday Edition

      Since James Lipton Hasn’t Come Knocking

      Been Thinking About Space Since Yesterday’s Morning Storms

      3 Comments | advice I'm slightly qualified to give, Crush with a big C, crush with a little c, fill in the blank fridays, I Got Five on It Friday | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

      Fill in the Blank Friday – A Baker’s Dozen

      2 October 2009
      1. If I was on a first date with someone and s/he ordered a _________________, I would probably end the date early.
      2. When I’m sick I really want someone to _________________.
      3. I know that some people really love _________________; but I don’t understand how they spend so much money on it.
      4. I know that some people think I’m crazy for spending so much money on _________________; but I really love it.
      5. I’m so glad that I’ve out grown _________________ since high school.
      6. I am living proof that the stereotype about _________________ isn’t always accurate.
      7. I know that it is a made-up word; but _________________ is a permanent part of my vocabulary.
      8. I can’t wait for _________________.
      9. The most common misconception about me is _________________.
      10. I wish I wouldn’t _________________ but sometimes I just can’t stop myself.
      11. If I never heard the word (or phrase) _________________ again, it would still be too soon.
      12. I have a hidden talent for _________________ that no one would ever expect of me.
      13. I am not a fan of extraordinary rendition; but if it were to take place for crimes against _________________, then _________________ should be the first person on the place to Guantanamo.

      20 Comments | I Got 5 on It, I Got Five on It Friday, meme, new word, random stuff | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

      Housecleaning Friday…

      17 July 2009

      My new favorite text message: “It’s 5:30; do you know where you’re drink is?”

      ************

      The republicans are right: It is about time that Latinas end their long history of oppressing white men in this country.

      ************

      All of the people who complained about the disproportionate coverage of MJ’s death were right: the media never obsesses over the death of some people except the Billings, Joan Benet, Natalee Holloway, or too many other people to name.

      ************

      Even though I swore I wouldn’t return to Bar Dupont unless it was at the end of a Bayonet (apparently the end of a well wielded mascara wand was equally effective,) I went back recently and can confirm that it still sucks more than a hooker or a Hoover.

      ************

      I just found another reason to love a Canuck.  Margaret Wente may be a partisan ideologue but she sure is funny.

      ************

      When Screen on the Green was cancelled, I wrote this post questioning the existence of philanthropy and the moral bearings of the über wealthy.  Well SOG is back, and Richard Branson is doing a good turn too.  Virgin Festival is free this year – this almost makes up for that that reality television show he inflicted on the public back in 2004.

      ************

      Dear Chef from last night, my food ought not be a mini statue to your ego.  If I have to knock it down before I can eat it, you’re really just pissing me off.  I know that there are some people (usually with more money than good sense) who are easily impressed by the excessively whimsical aerosol spray in the mouth of a course – but do know that their numbers were small before the economic downturn and they are dwindling fast.  Rule of thumb – cook to satisfy the soul, the palette, and the eye in that order.

      ************

      To everyone that keeps asking about my Old Man, thank you again for your kind wishes and words.  He is rehabbing well and getting his ass kicked at backgammon by the home healthcare nurse that I love.

      10 Comments | advice I'm slightly qualified to give, bars aka where we get the booze, blogging for a good cause, booze & boozing, dumb things I have done, I Got Five on It Friday, parents, random stuff, restaurants, the social contract | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

      Been Thinking About Space Since Yesterday’s Morning Storms

      10 June 2009

      The space after the thunder but before the lightning

      After the bottle is tipped but before the booze hits the glass

      Between anticipation and reality

      Between two bodies before a first kiss

      After the pride but before the conceit

      12 Comments | booze & boozing, dating, entertaining, I Got Five on It Friday, skin hungry - to borrow a phrase | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

      I’ve Got Five on it Friday Volume VII

      29 May 2009

      Four lies plus one truth = Five

      1. I sucked my thumb until I was in high school
      2. I had to go to summer school after the 8th grade
      3. I rejected an offer to work for AOL in 1994 because I didn’t want the commute
      4. Despite all the trash I have talked/written about Starbucks , I wrote this from one of their locations
      5. My senior prom date stood me up

       

      Five things I would do if I won the lottery

      1. Save Screen on the Green
      2. Endow a scholarship chair for students who finish #2 in their class at Princeton, because, according to many on the right, that is not an indicator of intelligence
      3. Fund the introduction of breathalyzer technology on cell phones in America – or at least mine
      4. Provide subsidized transport back to Gotham for all displaced and disgruntled New Yawkers
      5. open a restaurant/lounge with an explicit No Khakis & Polo shirt dress code

      Bonus – host a Summer Solstice Party for the ages but I might do that anyway.

       

      Speaking of the Solstice – Five Lovely Things About Summer

      1. Linen, linen everywhere and not a thread of wool
      2. Have you tasted the Anderson Valley Summer Solstice Ale?
      3. That perfect moment when the sun retreats  behind the landscape and the horizon is ablaze
      4. Sundresses, sarongs, and the beautifully silken summer legs that accompany them
      5. Maybe, just maybe, people take themselves just a touch less seriously

       

      Five Overrated Fads I am Completely Over

      1. Low riding jeans
      2. Molecular Gastronomy – when it comes to food give me soulful over scientific everyday of the week and multiple times on Sundays
      3. Game, the people who espouse it, expect it, embrace it, and the horse they all rode in
      4. Empire waistlines – unless you’re pregnant
      5. Bar “Chefs”

       

      Five objectives for the summer

      1. Play more tennis than I did last summer
      2. Avoid the intoxicating lure of the computer
      3. Find my missing pool game
      4. Make the perfect strawberry and basil soup
      5. Rediscover comfort in my own skin

       

      Five best pieces of advice I have ever gotten,

      1. 99.5% of all free wedding advice is worth exactly what you pay to receive it
      2. Happiness is never overrated
      3. Candy bars only make you hungrier when you’re starving
      4. Cologne (perfume too) should only be noticeable by those close enough to hear you whisper
      5. It’s impossible to be over-dressed in a room full of the under-dressed

       

      Finishing with Five Fill-in the Blanks aka the Mini Meme

      1. _______________ is the new black.
      2. Thunderstorms are ______________________.
      3. Everyman should know how to __________________ and have ____________________ in his closet.
      4. ____________________ is the perfect accessory to a great cup of coffee.
      5. Life is too short to ____________________.

       

      Prior Editions:

      Not Quite Five on It but I Include It Anyway

      The Official Volume I

      Also Not Quite a Five on It but I Include It Anyway

      Apparently I Don’t Count So Well Because This is Volume III

      Volume IV – Just Go with the Wacky Counting

      Volume V – In for a Poorly Counted Penny, In for a Miscounted Pound

      Volume VI – I suppose I could just correct it at this point, but this is more fun

      15 Comments | I Got 5 on It, I Got Five on It Friday, meme | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

      I Got Five on it Friday – Volume VI

      16 January 2009

       

      First things first, I, Poppa freaks all the… wait that’s not what I meant to say.  First things first, Katertot, LiLu and I would still really like the pleasure of your company at the Bloggerational Ball – it’s free, no excuses (and you know that there is some dress/tuxedo/suit in your closet that is feeling unloved and begging to be taken for a night on the town.)  Email BloggerationBall@gmail.com to RSVP. 

      ********************** 

      It has been a while since I have had a Five on it Friday, perhaps because I recently discovered Amy, who writes If I had to Pick Five and consistently employs the Five concept with greater aplomb than me.  Anywho, time for another…

       

      Five violations of etiquette that will make me want to lash you with a chain of paperclips

      1. Initiating a conversation on speaker-phone
      2. Being late without calling
      3. Failing to say thank you for courtesies extended, both common and uncommon
      4. Being so self-important that you think it remotely acceptable to park in a travel lane during rush hour
      5. Needlessly correcting someone in public

       

      Five favorite renditions of patriotic songs – thanks Vittoria for the inspiration

      1. Marvin Gaye’s National Anthem
      2. Ray Charles’ America
      3. Louis Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World (patriotic in my mind at least)
      4. Jimi Hendricks’ National Anthem
      5. We are the World (cheesy and dated, but still makes my chest puff and no need for a link)

       

      Five Favorite Sentimental Things I Will Never Discard

      1. The band from the cigar I smoked after leaving the courtroom for the final dissolution of my marriage
      2. The cork from the champagne I drank the night President Elect Barack Obama accepted the Democratic Party nomination
      3. The first thank you note I received from a guest at a restaurant
      4. The bottle of wine Mrs. C brought to the restaurant because we took Mr. C dinner every night while he was sick and she had to be away* – we didn’t do delivery but if you knew the C’s you’d understand why this was our honor and pleasure
      5. The menu that Charlie Trotter signed for me after my first dinner at his restaurant

       

      Five Favorite Misconceptions about Me (from this blog or not)

      1. I eat fois gras and caviar every night
      2. I don’t like any bar where the drinks don’t come in a crystal cocktail glass rimmed** in platinum flake
      3. I hate all republicans
      4. I won’t drink inexpensive wine
      5. I take myself seriously

       

      Five Favorite Sports Related Phrases/Sayings/Quotes

      1. A tie is like kissing your sister
      2. Reporter: Do you think you all have a shot against X Team; Coach: Of course we have a shot; we’re the only ones playing them
      3. Lou Holtz giving his pre-game speech to his Notre Dame football team right before playing Jimmy Johnson’s University of Miami Hurricanes: “They don’t like us and we don’t like them.  It’s going to be a battle out there – they’re going to hit us and we’re gonna hit em’ right back.  Blow for blow, never back down.  We’re gonna go out there and whip their asses in their own backyard; but do me a favor……… leave Jimmy Johnson to me.
      4. Reporter: Are you going to pitch Johnson in the opener? Baseball Manager: Johnson, are you kidding?  He’s so banged up right now, I wouldn’t trust him to throw a fight.
      5. I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok – Shaquille O’Neal

       

      Five Stories in the News I Don’t Think are Getting Enough Airplay

      1. Potential NFL first round draft pick opts for Rhodes Scholar – NFL can wait
      2. Outgoing President George W. Bush’s Justice Department violated numerous laws, and departmental policies in hiring
      3. Virginia Man uses millions of dollars of his own money to host an Inaugural Ball with free tickets to disadvantaged Americans – and he’s providing attire, hair stylists, bells and the whistles too
      4. Rachael Maddow – nuff’ said.
      5. Time for reader participation – you tell me what story should be the last on this list.

       

       * buy me a drink and I will tell you the whole story

      ** I know that 62.5% of you giggled at the word rimmed

       

      Prior Editions:

      Not Quite Five on but I Include It Anyway

      The Official Volume I

      Also Not Quite a Five on It but I Include It Anyway

      Apparently I Don’t Count So Well Because This is Volume III

      Volume IV – Just Go with the Wacky Counting

      Volume V – In for a Poorly Counted Penny, In for a Miscounted Pound

      13 Comments | bloggerational ball, I Got Five on It Friday | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

      I Got Five on It Friday – Volume IV

      31 October 2008

      Five Favorite Words the Blogosphere Has Taught Me

      1. e-Panties
      2. Sextroverted – if you need me to define this, it doesn’t apply to you
      3. Metrmorons – indicative of the particular brand of stupid that afflicts certain people riding the Metro
      4. Procrastantives – blogs we read when we really should be working
      5. MutliSlacking – the art of performing multiple slacker activities at the same time

       

      Five Favorite Search Engine Terms That Have Led People to My Little Slice of the Internet

      1. Right behind me with my pants around my ankles
      2. How to communicate with the uneducated
      3. Why dumb women are better than crazy women
      4. How to talk yourself out of getting laid
      5. My boyfriend is an emotional cripple

       

      Five Things I Wish I could Do

      1. The Sunday NY Times Crossword
      2. Sing – I can’t carry a note with the help of forklift
      3. Draw better than the average kindergartener
      4. Beat Tony, my favorite homeless person, at chess
      5. Throw a Frisbee with any degree of accuracy

       

      Five Things That Make My Life Better on a Daily Basis

      1. NPR
      2. French Press coffee
      3. Morning meditation
      4. A good cigar
      5. Leaving the stereo playing a song that I want in my head as I walk out the door

       

      Five Favorite Song Lyrics

      1. I could sit and hear you talk about nothing just to watch your lips move – Nikki & Ira Gonzales, from their first Album
      2. And when you stand before the candles on a cake, oh let me be the one to hear the silent wish you make – Alan & Marilyn Bergman lyrics; performed by numerous jazz vocalists but the Chris Botti / Sting duet is my favorite
      3. Ain’t nothing worse than rejection, I’d feel a little better if you slapped my face – 777-9311, written and produced by Prince, vocals by Morris Day of the Time
      4. The girls I knew had sad and sullen gray faces / With distant gay traces / That used to be there you could see where they’d been washed away / By too many through the day… / Twelve o’clock tales. – written by Billy Strahorn, performed by many but the only version you ever need to hear is the Coltrane & Johnny Hartman duet
      5. The new girl at the counter was cute, not as fine as me / Was this some kind of women’s intuition, some kind of insecurity / Nah, cause my man is happy at home lovin’ me exclusively / So I shook my head, “What’s up?”  / “Hello,” she smiled as she rung me up / Orange juice $3.29, Croissants $4.85 / She sniffed, Butter 89 cents / She sniffed, Strawberries $1.50 a pint / She sniffed, and sniffed, and sniffed, and sniffed again 
        And then replied, “Raheem, right?” / Right!?!          - Jill Scott, Exclusively, from the album Who Is Jill Scott?: Words and Sounds, Vol. 1 

       

      Five Types of People I Think Belong on an Island unto Themselves

      1. People who sit on their horn in a traffic jam – yes, that noise is surely going to make all cars clear a path for you
      2. People who wait until they are at the counter of a coffee shop before deciding what they want – seriously?  Like you couldn’t have used the five minutes in the queue to decide to get the same fucking drink you always get?
      3. People who use the word “literally” inappropriately
      4. People who are under the delusion that snapping of fingers is an appropriate way to get a bartender’s attention
      5. People who want to have a beer with their president

       

       

      Five Things I hope to Do This Weekend

      1. Go to sleep before 3am
      2. Avoid referencing Halloween as the holiday “that encourages/allows women to embrace their inner whore” more than twice
      3. Write a letter – actually drag a pen across paper to communicate
      4. Write a letter to the editor regarding how impossibly stupid it is that we trust the internet with the entirety of our nation’s financial system, yet online voting is somehow beyond our grasp
      5. Help Barack Obama win the state of Virginia

       

       

      Inspired by my Favorite Blonde, Final Words I would use as my safe word

      1. Xenobiotic
      2. Longhorn
      3. Cioppinio
      4. Orangutan
      5. Cashmere
      6. Kaleidoscope

      9 Comments | blogging life, I Got Five on It Friday, random stuff | Permalink
      Posted by restaurant refugee

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