I found on old journal today… old in the sense that I hadn’t written in it or seen it for at least a year, but it was hardly full. It was a journal that I purchased one day because I was too snobbish to write on drugstore paper, so I went to a bookstore to buy a journal that I promptly forgot that I had used. What follows is the mostly completed post I found on its pages,
Five things I am almost positive you don’t know/wouldn’t suspect about me
- Once every few weeks I get a half-smoke from a DC street vendor, and I love it.
- I own a pair of overalls and I love wearing them every so often.
- I took the SAT’s for other people when I was in high school to make some extra cash
- Among the first things I notice about a woman are her eyelashes… but almost never before her shoes.
- I used to have a serious lead foot but the worst speeding ticket I ever received really wasn’t me… 120mph in a 65 zone.
Five things I really miss
- The simple elegance of Victoria’s Secret negligees from the 90s and early aughts
- The music of Sheila E. (not for nothing, but this link demonstrates her brilliance as a drummer and will make anyone old enough to remember to remember the song Glamorous Life just a bit wistfull.)
- A full box of Girl Scout Cookies… this may or may not be something that could not have been included on this list earlier this evening.
- Women like Rita Hayworth who could make removing an opera glove look like a striptease.
- Aroma Co. – R.I.P. to my favorite bar
Five Truisms of Online Dating That I Haven’t Previously Mentioned
- Women who have Hot, Princess, Queen, Sexy, any of their derivatives, or any other over the top self-aggrandizement contained in their screen name are rarely worth the effort.
- Randomly coming across your ex-spouse’s profile will induce vomit in the mouth… or is that just me?
- Women with more than one cat in their profile pictures are… women with more than one cat in their profile pictures.
- Anyone who uses the mind-numbingly overused cliché “work hard, play hard/er” is 3.67 times more likely to be a tool.
- Having done it for longer than most of the people who read this space have been able to legally drive, vote, or drink, I am pretty sure it is a complete and utter waste of time… but I cannot stop the eternal optimist in me from continuing to participate.
Five Tweets that have singularly made my Experiment with Twitter completely worth it
- @LexaLemmy – Him: wanna come to my place? Me: we met 30 minutes ago! Him: so your place? Me: I am a fucking lady!
- @PaigeWrites – I long for the day when I can highlight a comment in an email and designate it be shown in sarcastic font.
- @caradox: – All I asked Google was: “Explain the Republican strategy today.” Sorry for crashing the Internet.
- @suicide_blond – my car isn’t nearly as fast as my credit card… 0 to 6k in 2.2 seconds xoxo
- @postsecret – Today’s Email: “My soul-mate is a hardcore Yankee’s fan… I’m still single.”
Under the heading of insomnia making beautiful bedfellows: Over a 3am g-chat, I asked my e-friend and unmitigated blog crush, Not That Kind of Girl, to ask me five questions to complete this installment.
- What is the one piece of literature you most wish you could have written? – anything from The Bard but most especially Sonnet 116 if only so that I could have known a love so deep that it inspired a definition of the subject.
- What is the most erotic word? – my name spoken by the right woman
- What is a smell with powerful associations to you that no one else in the world would recognize? – I am not sure that no one else would recognize it but the 1920s version of Channel perfume.
- Who has it pained you most to lose sympathy for? – probably Jessie Jackson. When I was a young black child in the late 70s early 80s he was a hero of mine. As an adult in the 90s, through the aughts, and to today, I am left with nothing but anger that the main stream media keeps giving him a microphone because of the assumption that he speaks for black people. And even more angered that the most dangerous place is between him and a microphone.
- With whom do most frequently you have imaginary conversations? – myself. I talk to myself more than anyone would guess.
Previous editions of I’ve Got Five on it Fridays: