I posed a question in my OKCupid journal, basically inquiring as to why this sort of racial bias exists on the site. One person–a 30-year-old white woman–took the time to posit her theory. She presumes that much of the problem does stem from a quiet racism that persists among whites–a racism which basically degrades the perceived value of persons of color within the context of a romantic relationship and thus increases the likelihood of their dismissal. Her theory, which has long been held by myself, is that a) the racist views are transported from one of whites to another through family and community and b) the media helps to perpetuate the perception that whites are the mainstream.

An example of the latter point: the media portrays whites in lead roles for much the same reason as cartoon animals are anthropomorphized–so that they might better depict an image to which a mainstream audience can relate; that said, even if those movie roles call for a non-white person in the lead (e.g., Prince of Persia [2010]), a white person is cast in the role (e.g., Jake Gyllenhaal), because the goal of movie companies is to sell tickets, and the best way to sell tickets is to appeal to the largest, most widely-accesible customer demographic. Within the United States, that demographic happens to consist of people of European descent. In India, Indians are that majority, and thus, Indian movies feature Indian actors and actresses in key roles. Anyway, I think that part of why non-whites are regularly dismissed on sites like OKCupid is that whites tend to be regarded as the ideal, because that’s what society feeds to us.

Unlike yourself, this frustrates me nearly to the point of abject bitterness. I’m 26-years-old and feel completely isolated–especially in the area in which I reside (Minneapolis, MN). Whites are probably 80% of the population. I know that there are blacks who seem to get along just fine with everyone, regardless of their color, but I find it difficult and altogether disingenuous to play to the crowd; I know who I am, what I’m about, and that ought to be sufficient for me to get along well in this world, because I’m a pretty good guy. Still, human beings are social creatures, and I’ve always felt as though I’ve been experiencing a sort of social death whereby I’m unable to connect with my peer group or have a normal life because I just don’t fit in due to racial boundaries. I’m willing to admit that my thinking may be flawed, but I know what it feels like for others to simply wish that you did not exist.

Some people prefer to exist in a sheltered box that lacks interest and curiosity. They are the same people who have no interest in visiting France because they saw “Paris” on their last trip to Vegas. They are also the same people who prefer Olive Garden and Chilis to (insert name of tasty local eatery here).

You, my dear, deserve someone who thinks outside the box, not someone who lives in it.

I think people with this type of myopia live in a mental prison not a box… and thank you.

Hey everyone: IT IS RACIST TO REJECT PEOPLE SOLELY BECAUSE OF RACE. In fact, isn’t that the very definition of racism?

Sorry for the painful realization. Our society really sucks sometimes.

It wasn’t a realization, more like confirmation of a suspicion.

I wish I had the proper words to pontificate on the self-loathing that contributes to your point.

I know you didn’t mean to equate non-whiteness with a physical challenge/disability, but it is so sad that the analogy works on some levels when it comes to dating.

What kinda chaps my ass about this is that OKC didn’t always have the ability to search based upon or in exclusion to race. It was added a few months ago as part of an “upgrade.” That’s what makes the prior comment so odious to me. A race based search would imply that people of a certain stripe are so unattractive that you don’t even want them to appear in your search results.

Your comment would have so much more credibility if it hadn’t been left anonymously. Why do you feel the need to be anonymous? Go back and reread the post because I didn’t accuse anyone specific of any specific thing.

ETA: the prior anon comment isn’t more valid because of her agreement, but because there was an actual email address and some thought rather than a blanket statement that seemingly ignored the argument put forth.

And that was the most frustrating part; the realization of a problem that feels completely out of our control.

To some extent, problems without solutions aren’t really problems and thus not worth to much thought.

We have to have faith, right?