The Restaurant Refugee

Five Albums I would use to explain Hip-Hop to an extraterrestrial:

1. Raising Hell, 1986, Run DMC
2. Bizarre Ride II the Pharcyde, 1992, Pharcyde
3. Da Chronic, 1992, Dr. Dre and a cast of guest rappers
4. It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back, 1988, Public Enemy
5. Paid in Full, 1987, Eric B & Rakim

Five Restaurants in this country which are on seemingly everyone’s Best of List but I think are overrated*:

1. The French Laundry
2. Alinea
3. Charlie Trotters
4. Nobu
5. Any joint owned by Wolfgang Puck – and, yes, The Source, I am especially talking about you.

Five things about a woman I find incredibly sexy but most do not:

1. A well used library card is hot – really hot.
2. A well shaped collar bone – I know, I never pretended to be normal
3. The wearing of a good watch – any good watch besides a Rolex; a Rolex screams new money and pretense.  Extra sexy points awarded in my mind if said watch is a gentleman’s watch and worn well.
4. A collection of vinyl – records not wardrobe though the latter can be sexy too.
5. A facility for useless trivia – not that I have any shortage of useless knowledge crammed into my head, but back-up is always welcome

Five truly unconnected thoughts that have crossed my mind lately

1. The Dodgers should never have left Brooklyn
2. Drinking a RedBull and anything is a very strong indication that I would not want your company at the bar.
3. Harry Connick Jr. was at his best when he was trying to be Frank Sinatra; sadly, he sucked at singing as HCJ.
4. Message in a Bottle is one of my “break glass in case of emergent need to end bad mood” songs.
5. The brunette who keeps looking over my should (as I am writing this in a bar) is a bit annoying though I admit that I would be less annoyed and more interested if I found her attractive.

Five things I plan to accomplish this weekend

1. Get laid – totally not within my control, but if I didn’t place it on the list I would be lying.
2. Pack clothes for the next 10 days – I am suspending my life to go work on the Obama campaign until Election Day.
3. Write something for the screenplay I am convinced lives inside my head.
4. Run a five minute mile – I haven’t done it in several years, nor have I tried; but this is the weekend to give it a go.
5. Use the block of preserved Foie Gras that has been in my refrigerator for three months.
6. Land a new client – also not within my control, but I am hopeful about a scheduled meeting.

Five things that may seem like luxuries but I will not be cutting from my life and will encourage others not to cut*.

1. The bi-annual pedicure – while there are plenty of women who have their feet massaged, scrubbed, and generally beautified more often than twice a year, I consider it imperative for gentleman to indulge in this procedure every six months.  I lack the vocabulary to properly articulate the mental benefits of blowing $30 on this.  Gentleman, please just trust me on this.
2. Not ordering rail drinks – the extra dollar is always worth it – you’ll thank me in the morning.
3. The Sunday NY Times – 5 bones for a newspaper might seem a bit extravagant, but the NY Times does one thing better than any other newspaper in the world – it’s the NY Times.
4. Tipping – if you cannot afford to tip well, you cannot afford to dine out, or go for drinks.
5. Good clothing – it might seem like a good idea to buy inexpensive clothing, but it really does not save money in the log run.

Five political parting thoughts

1. If you don’t vote, besides sucking an immeasurable amount of ass, you also have no right to complain about any-thing
2. I have never questioned the patriotism of John McCain, but selecting Sarah Palin to be within a heartbeat from the presidency is a singular act of anti-patriotism.
3. I have served drinks to many of the candidates for our nation’s highest office.  Despite my ideological differences with him, Ron Paul was by far the coolest among them.
4. The hypocrisy of Gov. Sarah Palin’s wardrobe is not insignificant and I am quite comfortable issuing that declaration without the passion or prejudice of my political beliefs. 
5. I miss Adlai Stevenson, the leadership of Lloyd Bentsen, the brilliance of Ted Sorenson’s words, and the John McCain of 2000.

* I have dined at each of these restaurants and found them all lacking in some substantial regard, and at their respective price points, dinner ought to leave me feeling like I had a culinary happy ending and none of them did.