Refuting Terrible Kissing Advice from a Website That Ought To Know Better

French kissing tips: a hot, wet kiss usually starts off strong and invasive. It floods the mouth with a tongue and opens the mouth wide. A wet kiss can sometimes include licking of the lips and around the lips; even the face can be licked.”

From the Life Script Network article “How to Kiss A Man”

 

This is perhaps the worst advice I have seen on the internet since Shannon turned over her blog to ZipCode and she espoused the virtues of waxed berries as an appropriate form of Manscaping. 

 

 

I have examined kissing technique before – the core of my position is that the quality of the kiss ties to the compatibility of styles – but I did not provide any concrete suggestions for being a better kisser.  In an effort to be one contrary voice to the generally horrid advice from Life Script, I offer:

 

The Refugee’s Guide to Kissing

Kiss with your entire body

Alternate speed

Communicate with the kiss

Gentle biting is hot

Understand that a hickey is a bruise – adults don’t bruise each other (unless both parties are into that)

Place your hands on my face, neck, back, head, ass, or anywhere else they are inspired to roam

Talk to me

Guide me

Find that spot where neck meets torso

Kiss me hello

Kiss me goodbye

Kiss me for no discernable reason

Understand that kissing does not have to be a precursor and is a lovely end in and of itself.

Kiss with urgency

If forced to make a choice, slow is better than fast, gentle better than forceful

Fast and forceful have a place too

Match my pace

Set the pace

Find a rhythm

Pull away, give me a knowing look and start all over again

Kiss like you mean it

 

Don’ts

Use your tongue indiscriminately

Lick any part of my face, teeth, or ear

Draw blood – unless asked; I will never ask

Leave trails of saliva

Fake anything

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13 Responses to Refuting Terrible Kissing Advice from a Website That Ought To Know Better

  1. Lemmonex says:

    Never, ever lick the face.The ear is even worse…give me the heebie jeebies. You are doing a good service here, RR.

    Just doin’ my job ma’am

  2. zipcode says:

    ouch making fun of manscaping post — going to go hide now – that was in good fun

    proper grooming – good; getting the boys waxed – evil.

  3. lacochran says:

    Licking faces is silly. If silly is sexy, go for it. Not so sexy in my book, though. I like your list much better. I think kissing is a dialogue… you can kiss a question and see what the answer is.

    I am sure that somebody is into that – just hope to never kiss that person.

  4. Aileen says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with your list. I’ve given this subject must thought and one would think that the techniques you describe would be common knowledge. Why are there bad kissers out there?

    The best reason I have is that they are needed for balance and to enable us to appreciate the truly knee-weakening kissers.

  5. zip says:

    I didn’t say they had to be waxed lol, I just mentioned that as options yeah getting the boys waxed would hurt lol

    licking faces is gross – I saw that in an episode of Sex and the City ewww

  6. The SITC episode was a tad too close to home for me. My ex, right before we parted ways, thought he’d switch kissing styles and started LICKING my face. It was HORRIBLE and so unexpected. My ex could kiss (up to that point) and thought I’d actually liked being licked in the face like a dog. WRONG!

  7. gilahi says:

    Actually, I find that a light bit of tongue around the ear is pretty sexy, but I can’t say that I’m jazzed by licking. I dated a young lady once who licked my lips. I thought she was just weird, so I was quite surprised to see it listed here. Guess it’s more common than I thought. Not for me.

    Something has to work for someone, somewhere. The tongue & ear combination just doesn’t work for me.

  8. Shannon says:

    Firm grip, soft lips. All any man needs to know.

  9. no crazy darting tongue crap…
    start slow…
    build intensity…
    have fun..
    xoxo

  10. LivitLuvit says:

    Well played, RR, well played. Although hopefully, absolutely zero thought at all will be going on when in the actual act… I like to be lost…

    But agree with the outline of a game plan. Especially for the first few innings…

    I am not suggesting any of those things be done in order or combination. I agree with you, be lost in the moment.

  11. Ryane says:

    Having been the very unwitting victim of a ‘kiss’ that involved the guy licking my teeth and my cheek, I second all of the ‘Don’ts’. haha.

  12. Red says:

    Very good advice. If a dude comes at me with a tongue I run away. It has to be slow and sensual… “Lost in the moment”.

    Is it hot in here?

    The thing that truly struck me as odd is that the advice was geared toward intructing women on how to kiss men. From these comments, it is clear to me that kissing advice is rather unisex.

  13. “It floods the mouth with a tongue and opens the mouth wide.” Oh god. When I imagine trying to use one’s tongue to pry open the other person’s lips, all I can think is speculum.

    Hahaha, I didn’t really want that image in my mind, but it is damn funny.

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